Friday, October 01, 2010
Been having headache lately. Dont know why so tired also. Feeling very sian. Totally hate it man. Nothing is smooth lately. Keep on having problems. Can all pro just go away. I start to realise that how cheap talking is. You really think that talking wont hurt. And dont talk rubbish to me. Dont treat me as an idiot. And please learn wat is respect and also pls think before you talk.Stop giving me issues and learn to grow up pls. I am trying to relax and trying to stand up. Learning wat is called independent and also to understand 1 thing is that when things really happen, i have to face it myself. Nobody is going to give a damn. They will only have their own interest at heart. They wont care unless they have something to gain. All excuses will start to float up and will start to see the ugly side of human. People treat me as entertainer or joker or wat worse. Cheap labour.... cheaper than maid ba.......... You all always made me feel this way. When will you all start to realise. i dont pin hope at all. No basic respect. Dont worry, you wont get it from me too. That life man. face it. CRUEL WORLD.Just F**k off if u are just using me, harbour bad intention. I AM NOT AN IDIOT. WHERE IS THE RESPECT MAN.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Feel very depressed. I just cant stop crying. Have fallen down to the pit. Cant get up myself. Quarrel with him on the sms and phone call. I really dont know what he really understand. I am really very confused. I dont know what decision to make. I am really very sian already. All he can say is excuses........ and he can even argue. I really feel so damn disappointed. I don knwo wat to do. I was meeting wen at that time, I really feel like cryin out. but in the end i managed to broke down after i reach home. I really feel so lost and alone now. I really got no help. What should i do.I may seems happy and always so freely. It is just that i choose to bottle everything inside. Till now i finally explode and all that came to my mind is commit suicide. I got no one to turn to. Cos everyone is selfish and no matter wat they will only think about themselves. action proves everything. I already got used to seeing human evil and ugly side. As long as i am useful they will use me. Once i m useless then they will just don give a damn. Really hate going to work nowadays. works sucks......... people sucks, job sucks,pay sucks, everything sucks there.I am going down........
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Really Very disappointed. He dont even care at all. Only try to act only. I called him then he ask me to reach home then let him know. I am trying to test him and see if he will get worried if i nv sms him. In the end, he dont even care at all. What is this...... All he care is drinking with people. I really need to reconsider everything. Life really sucks. Many things is happening. I just dont wish to say out. I dont need anyone fake concern. Really got no will to live on. Thinking of commit suicide everyday. Maybe one day i will cant take it and DO IT.Human are selfish, liers, fake, cruel, no sympathy and not sincere at all. All are Fuckers and they all sucks to the max. I hate this world. Just let me die and leave here. That will be best.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Yesterday company was hosting a jumbo sales for charity. All dept was told to organise and sell stuffs, and our dept was selling filipino snacks and mango juice. It was a ood experience for me. Although quite tired, but doing for charity was worth it. Went to tonichi at tampines mall for lunch with wen, the food was great. Really nice man. The service there was good. but the pricing was not really so cheap ut still can. Of course cant eat so frequently.After that watch predator. The show was okok. Not really wat i expected loh. After that i went to pierce my ear......... pain ah.................... Then walk over to tampines 201 there. Walking on th way there saw alvin, leo bro. Actually he already saw me from a distance, but i have poor eyesight and i didnt saw him, but he was calling my name using so ghostly name, ut i also nv heard him, wen heard him and told me that someone is calling my name, till we walk near then we saw him. accompany him for a while before wei uang show up. Then proceed to nearby void deck to slack for a while. writing the cards we are giving for ah girl. We bought a very big cup for her. Haha......... After that ta pao dinner at 201 big kopitiam. We bought 1 pkt of carrot cake and share. Then chat for a while then off we headed home.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Havent been in a gd mood lately. Quite depressing. Had some issues with him. And after telling him off not in a nice way. He always act like nothing happen. I really hate that. Just talk normal, or didnt even ask if he should change in anyway. Really make me feel more and more tired. It like he dont care at all. Although he say he care in sms or verbally, but his action prove otherwise. I really is getting more and more confused. He have been going home late everyday. And he say he is at his office neighbour there waiting for car. How am i supposed to believe him. He did not even call or sms me once while waiting for his car. He have been very busy lately. If i wan to meet him is always after 9 or even later. I am getting sick and tired of always waiting for him. And he always is so tired. When he is at my house, he looks so tired, but when he is at home, he is ok...... is it so boring to come my house to accompany me. Or he is tired of me already.Last time when i voice out my feelings, he will listen and admits he is at fault and then explains. Now he is like so eager to explain and admit it is fault and seems very unwilingly. He have changed alot after he worked in this company. If he carry on like this, i don think i hav the strength to carry on.I have already say all i want to say. I am very very tired. I realy love him, but i really dont feel his love towards me, i dont wan his money. i want is his caring, and his time for me, his attention towards me.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Very long nv blog here. Cos don't know what to write here. Have been feeling weird and down lately. Body is having many problems. And mood is getting worse and worse. Vomits like hell, and i and struggling here, no body cares at all, they think it is easy to do it. No morale supports given at all. All they think of is themselves. I am sick, having virus attack. having flu and cough and sore throat, but did any one care........ no..... no one is concern at all..... they only think about themselves...... and leo can just tell me that he wan to go and meet his friend. I thought sun is our day. But he decide to spend time with friend instead of me. I can understand, i am a burden to him. Even if he say it is ok, but i can feel from his action, Spending time with his friends is better than spending time with me. I feel so alone now........ Maybe it is time for me to give up............ Everyone say wat is all fake. All i see is talking is cheap but action proves everything. And i see no one sees me as important. But i can feel is people is using me. If i am important to u all, i will be able to feel it. I can say i hav given all i can, but i see nothing coming back, and can get scolding for nothing. I am going crazy soon. I can feel my mood is getting lower and lower...... i am having dificulities in pulling myself up............confused
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Been busy to blog lately. Working is getting more task to do. Wat my manager says is " we will get more valued added" Just wan us to be cheap labour ba. Faint liao. Do this do that. Keep on meetings. That crazy 1 is getting more worse. Mood swing is getting higher. So sickening. Thought this is her father office ah. Always show tantrum and always disappear. Then i hav to cover her duties. Really pray hard that she leave soon.school on wed and fri. Very boring lessons. I wan to slp........ Feel very tired lately. Body really going to give way liao. When is the time where i can realy get a gd rest. I need a gd break. Mentally shack. Cant think well liao. Looking for a better job. Found 1 immediately leave this shit place. Pay low and shitty colleague. And a boring enviroment. With shitty boss. What the shit man.....This year birthday had to work. Sian ah.... But no choice. that crazy 1 took leave to go on a holiday. So no choice. Had to go to work. 1st yr my birthday had to work........ Hope that day is a peaceful 1. No plans of celebrations. Get so boring liao. Also dont know what to do liao. Sian ah...... Just let it be ba......... Will stop here liao.Going to slp
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Having headache now. So sian early in the morning headache. Pop 2 panadol down already. Going for blood test today after work. Hope everything goes smoothly. Pray hard for it. Yesterday is wen birthday. Went to her house to celebrate wit her. And her friends there also. Hope she enjoy herself. Actually wanted to buy a cake. But her friend buy already. So nvm liao. Having headache and feel giddy lately. Make me so tired. And work place sucks. Just 1 person is enough to suck this place. What the shit man. I wan to slim down. Must exercise more. Must eat less. If not will be fatter and fatter. All the damn medicine fault. Make me till like that. So sian. I wan to slim down. I hate it now.When will it be the day when i can go Egypt. I am looking for a big poster of egypt. Know it will be difficult, but in search of it. Haha....... Egypt..... Egypt...... Egypt..... Must endure for my dream.....
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Had a bad news last week. vomit a lot of blood on sun. Went to hosp to see doc again. And he just say my condition has worsen. The shitty part is, i cant take the med. It is too strong for me. what should i do. I am taking pain killer at the moment only. To withstand the pain. Overall still Ok la. I hav promised someone to live and hold on. I will do it de. To my last breath. Now can only wait liao. Nothing much to do also. Just thinking what i wan to do now. Get my cert and hopefully can go as many countries as possible. And of course if can go my dream country that will be best. Just wan to do well in my studies and do my family proud. That is wat my sis always wants to see. Hopefully i can really do it .
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Had a meeting with JJ my manager today. 1st time have department meeting. JJ is the one who quggested. Every mth will have a meeting liao. Aiyo..... Feel like sleeping le. Stress is all i can say now. Very tired, exam is round the corner. I just hope that everything will be ok. Going smooth and gd. 2 paper in the morning and 2 paper in the afternoon. for 4 days straight. Siao liao........ I dont know what went wrong, but i know that something is wrong. And i dont know what i should do, or should i say which is the right thing to do now. I am tired from thinking. Think i need a break after the exam. Slack at home 1 day and do nothing. Just relax myself. I dont wan to go bonkers. Start to cough again. sian liao. tension headache and body aching. Tired ah...... Still need to hold on. Till exam is over. Everything will be fine. Praying hard for it.Kelly sis birthday is yesterday. But nv celebrate wit her. Hope she can understand. I owe her a big meal. When we both free liao then treat her to eat. And she wishes me gd luck in my exam. Thks man. I really need the luck now.Really pray hard that my exam goes well. Leo went to temple to pray for my exam. Got a amulet for me. Hope this amulet works. Pray... Pray... Pray...
