wendy

2010-10-01T22:32:00.001+08:00

Been having headache lately. Dont know why so tired also. Feeling very sian. Totally hate it man. Nothing is smooth lately. Keep on having problems. Can all pro just go away. I start to realise that how cheap talking is. You really think that talking wont hurt. And dont talk rubbish to me. Dont treat me as an idiot. And please learn wat is respect and also pls think before you talk.

Stop giving me issues and learn to grow up pls.

I am trying to relax and trying to stand up. Learning wat is called independent and also to understand 1 thing is that when things really happen, i have to face it myself. Nobody is going to give a damn. They will only have their own interest at heart. They wont care unless they have something to gain. All excuses will start to float up and will start to see the ugly side of human.

People treat me as entertainer or joker or wat worse. Cheap labour.... cheaper than maid ba.......... You all always made me feel this way. When will you all start to realise. i dont pin hope at all. No basic respect. Dont worry, you wont get it from me too. That life man. face it. CRUEL WORLD.

Just F**k off if u are just using me, harbour bad intention.

I AM NOT AN IDIOT. WHERE IS THE RESPECT MAN.

2010-09-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

Feel very depressed. I just cant stop crying. Have fallen down to the pit. Cant get up myself. Quarrel with him on the sms and phone call. I really dont know what he really understand. I am really very confused. I dont know what decision to make. I am really very sian already. All he can say is excuses........ and he can even argue. I really feel so damn disappointed. I don knwo wat to do. I was meeting wen at that time, I really feel like cryin out. but in the end i managed to broke down after i reach home. I really feel so lost and alone now. I really got no help. What should i do.

I may seems happy and always so freely. It is just that i choose to bottle everything inside. Till now i finally explode and all that came to my mind is commit suicide. I got no one to turn to. Cos everyone is selfish and no matter wat they will only think about themselves. action proves everything. I already got used to seeing human evil and ugly side. As long as i am useful they will use me. Once i m useless then they will just don give a damn.

Really hate going to work nowadays. works sucks......... people sucks, job sucks,pay sucks, everything sucks there.

I am going down........

2010-09-25T02:07:00.002+08:00

Really Very disappointed. He dont even care at all. Only try to act only. I called him then he ask me to reach home then let him know. I am trying to test him and see if he will get worried if i nv sms him. In the end, he dont even care at all. What is this...... All he care is drinking with people. I really need to reconsider everything.

Life really sucks. Many things is happening. I just dont wish to say out. I dont need anyone fake concern. Really got no will to live on. Thinking of commit suicide everyday. Maybe one day i will cant take it and DO IT.

Human are selfish, liers, fake, cruel, no sympathy and not sincere at all. All are Fuckers and they all sucks to the max. I hate this world. Just let me die and leave here. That will be best.

2010-07-18T00:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday company was hosting a jumbo sales for charity. All dept was told to organise and sell stuffs, and our dept was selling filipino snacks and mango juice. It was a ood experience for me. Although quite tired, but doing for charity was worth it. Went to tonichi at tampines mall for lunch with wen, the food was great. Really nice man. The service there was good. but the pricing was not really so cheap ut still can. Of course cant eat so frequently.

After that watch predator. The show was okok. Not really wat i expected loh. After that i went to pierce my ear......... pain ah.................... Then walk over to tampines 201 there. Walking on th way there saw alvin, leo bro. Actually he already saw me from a distance, but i have poor eyesight and i didnt saw him, but he was calling my name using so ghostly name, ut i also nv heard him, wen heard him and told me that someone is calling my name, till we walk near then we saw him. accompany him for a while before wei uang show up.

Then proceed to nearby void deck to slack for a while. writing the cards we are giving for ah girl. We bought a very big cup for her. Haha......... After that ta pao dinner at 201 big kopitiam. We bought 1 pkt of carrot cake and share. Then chat for a while then off we headed home.

2010-05-17T21:28:00.002+08:00

Havent been in a gd mood lately. Quite depressing. Had some issues with him. And after telling him off not in a nice way. He always act like nothing happen. I really hate that. Just talk normal, or didnt even ask if he should change in anyway. Really make me feel more and more tired. It like he dont care at all. Although he say he care in sms or verbally, but his action prove otherwise. I really is getting more and more confused.

He have been going home late everyday. And he say he is at his office neighbour there waiting for car. How am i supposed to believe him. He did not even call or sms me once while waiting for his car. He have been very busy lately. If i wan to meet him is always after 9 or even later. I am getting sick and tired of always waiting for him. And he always is so tired. When he is at my house, he looks so tired, but when he is at home, he is ok...... is it so boring to come my house to accompany me. Or he is tired of me already.

Last time when i voice out my feelings, he will listen and admits he is at fault and then explains. Now he is like so eager to explain and admit it is fault and seems very unwilingly. He have changed alot after he worked in this company. If he carry on like this, i don think i hav the strength to carry on.

I have already say all i want to say. I am very very tired. I realy love him, but i really dont feel his love towards me, i dont wan his money. i want is his caring, and his time for me, his attention towards me.

2010-04-04T18:50:00.003+08:00

Very long nv blog here. Cos don't know what to write here. Have been feeling weird and down lately. Body is having many problems. And mood is getting worse and worse. Vomits like hell, and i and struggling here, no body cares at all, they think it is easy to do it. No morale supports given at all. All they think of is themselves. I am sick, having virus attack. having flu and cough and sore throat, but did any one care........ no..... no one is concern at all..... they only think about themselves...... and leo can just tell me that he wan to go and meet his friend. I thought sun is our day. But he decide to spend time with friend instead of me. I can understand, i am a burden to him. Even if he say it is ok, but i can feel from his action, Spending time with his friends is better than spending time with me.

I feel so alone now........ Maybe it is time for me to give up............ Everyone say wat is all fake. All i see is talking is cheap but action proves everything. And i see no one sees me as important. But i can feel is people is using me. If i am important to u all, i will be able to feel it. I can say i hav given all i can, but i see nothing coming back, and can get scolding for nothing.

I am going crazy soon. I can feel my mood is getting lower and lower...... i am having dificulities in pulling myself up............

confused

2009-10-21T00:41:00.000+08:00

Been busy to blog lately. Working is getting more task to do. Wat my manager says is " we will get more valued added" Just wan us to be cheap labour ba. Faint liao. Do this do that. Keep on meetings. That crazy 1 is getting more worse. Mood swing is getting higher. So sickening. Thought this is her father office ah. Always show tantrum and always disappear. Then i hav to cover her duties. Really pray hard that she leave soon.

school on wed and fri. Very boring lessons. I wan to slp........ Feel very tired lately. Body really going to give way liao. When is the time where i can realy get a gd rest. I need a gd break. Mentally shack. Cant think well liao.

Looking for a better job. Found 1 immediately leave this shit place. Pay low and shitty colleague. And a boring enviroment. With shitty boss. What the shit man.....This year birthday had to work. Sian ah.... But no choice. that crazy 1 took leave to go on a holiday. So no choice. Had to go to work. 1st yr my birthday had to work........ Hope that day is a peaceful 1. No plans of celebrations. Get so boring liao. Also dont know what to do liao. Sian ah...... Just let it be ba.........

Will stop here liao.

Going to slp

2009-09-24T10:26:00.002+08:00

Having headache now. So sian early in the morning headache. Pop 2 panadol down already. Going for blood test today after work. Hope everything goes smoothly. Pray hard for it. Yesterday is wen birthday. Went to her house to celebrate wit her. And her friends there also. Hope she enjoy herself. Actually wanted to buy a cake. But her friend buy already. So nvm liao.

Having headache and feel giddy lately. Make me so tired. And work place sucks. Just 1 person is enough to suck this place. What the shit man.

I wan to slim down. Must exercise more. Must eat less. If not will be fatter and fatter. All the damn medicine fault. Make me till like that. So sian. I wan to slim down. I hate it now.

When will it be the day when i can go Egypt. I am looking for a big poster of egypt. Know it will be difficult, but in search of it. Haha....... Egypt..... Egypt...... Egypt..... Must endure for my dream.....

2009-09-22T11:48:00.002+08:00

Had a bad news last week. vomit a lot of blood on sun. Went to hosp to see doc again. And he just say my condition has worsen. The shitty part is, i cant take the med. It is too strong for me. what should i do. I am taking pain killer at the moment only. To withstand the pain. Overall still Ok la. I hav promised someone to live and hold on. I will do it de. To my last breath.

Now can only wait liao. Nothing much to do also. Just thinking what i wan to do now. Get my cert and hopefully can go as many countries as possible. And of course if can go my dream country that will be best. Just wan to do well in my studies and do my family proud. That is wat my sis always wants to see. Hopefully i can really do it .

2009-09-03T15:07:00.000+08:00

Had a meeting with JJ my manager today. 1st time have department meeting. JJ is the one who quggested. Every mth will have a meeting liao. Aiyo..... Feel like sleeping le. Stress is all i can say now. Very tired, exam is round the corner. I just hope that everything will be ok. Going smooth and gd. 2 paper in the morning and 2 paper in the afternoon. for 4 days straight. Siao liao........

I dont know what went wrong, but i know that something is wrong. And i dont know what i should do, or should i say which is the right thing to do now. I am tired from thinking. Think i need a break after the exam. Slack at home 1 day and do nothing. Just relax myself. I dont wan to go bonkers.

Start to cough again. sian liao. tension headache and body aching. Tired ah...... Still need to hold on. Till exam is over. Everything will be fine. Praying hard for it.

Kelly sis birthday is yesterday. But nv celebrate wit her. Hope she can understand. I owe her a big meal. When we both free liao then treat her to eat. And she wishes me gd luck in my exam. Thks man. I really need the luck now.

Really pray hard that my exam goes well. Leo went to temple to pray for my exam. Got a amulet for me. Hope this amulet works. Pray... Pray... Pray...

2009-08-07T22:01:00.002+08:00

So sian is all i can say. Dont understand me at all........ Nv ask and don care at all...... what is this..... You have change........Today is friday..... although i need to study.... i also need to destress.... i thought u know...... and there goes my friday. IS all burnt. u seems to be finding excuses not to meet me. And who knows you are going out later... who knows. Nobody knows. I really don understand.

All u can think of is go shopping and go see movies go walk walk. All i wan now is to exercise... to sweat it out. i am feeling very stress after so many days of studies, so long nv exercises. I wan to sweat. You should know...... u say this week exercise. and this is what.........i dont wish to say much...

Mon is public holiday but i hav to work. So boring......... But only i go back.... means i can blast my songs...

2009-08-03T22:54:00.000+08:00

So scary today.... dont know if i saw something dirty...... Saw 1 lady standing near the pole near the road at my office area. And she look weird. The weather is so hot and she not wearing any company passes. and after 2 sec..... she disappeared just like that..... i turn around and saw no one. Dont know where she had gone to. Really felt uneasy. Told Leo..... and he say go temple pray tonight....

Discuss with my colleague and they say that blk is quite "dirty" 1. I was like huh..... Discuss with them and they say maybe is due to luck low.... I was so scared. Went home and told dad and mum. Mum said that maybe i had inherit my dad third eye. Dad say next time just say "siam siam siam" in the heart and it will go off. And he added... see many times liao will get used to it liao..... I was like Huh..........

Had a emotional weekend. Study till going crazy liao..... But still many things i don understand. Dont know how..... At a loss........ And exam is coming near...... damn stress......

Leo birthday is coming soon. 14 aug. Havent got his present yet. Dont know what to buy..... no idea at all.... headache ah....... What to buy leh???

Stress ah...............

2009-07-28T22:18:00.002+08:00

Got 3 days mc from doctor. Today is the 2nd day. But still feel giddy. Vomitting and giddy. Trying to let myself recover. Listen to doc and eat my medicine. But still is the same. hope the situation will not get worse. Feeling so weak now. He is so busy to visit me. Till now he nv came and visit me. Just a call at nite. and thats it. So sad.

2009-07-01T12:09:00.000+08:00

I am so damn pissed off with that bitch.... Fri i am on mc. Having fever. And simon my supervisor also on mc. And in the end, she cant work independent at all. So useless. She so scared that she went to take mc and left all the shit load of work not done. what is this. She is just so irresponsible. And she took half day today. And in the end. she do nothing in the morning at all. Think she is paid to surf net. What the f**k. I am so angry. Done everything and yet no one say anything. Really wish she will be gone sooner and a better new one came in.

She is just so poor working attitude. Think everywhere she also will also be the same situation. Really sick and tired here. Fuc*ing attitudes these people have. And all they know is to push the blame, and run away when problem comes.

When they are sick, means they are sick. And when we small staff is sick, We are faking mc. Wat the shit. Dont believe can call the doctor and ask. Not a problem. Getting out of here once i can leave. Before i can do that. All i can do is to curse ans swear everyday. what the shit.

2009-06-25T13:57:00.000+08:00

Getting more sian and sian working here. Really don't feel like coming to work everyday. So bored. Nothing much to do. And i don't get well with my colleagues. And my superiors also. Think they like her more. Watever. I don't give a damn. I just wan to faster complete my studies and get the hell out of here asap.

So tired lately. Don't know what is wrong with my body. Nothing major happen, except my spine. But the doc say it won't cause me to be so tired. And had been having problem with my food. Everytime after i eaten. After a while i will start to vomits. The vomiting is getting more and more frequents. Thats bad. Hopefully can survive till sept is over.

Really very moodless now. Just feel like going home and rest and listen to my music and do my things. Feel so tired, mood so low, so sick, so sian. Better anyone don't come and piss me off now. I don't know what i will do. The sickness is making me very frustrated and sian.

Need to pull my mood up. But nothing can do now. And i am stuck in this damn office. My mood will surely get worse. What the shit.

Hope that wen and family will be peace

i will stop here

2009-06-22T17:13:00.000+08:00

Having monday blues today...... So sickening working today. Very tired. Last night dont know struggle till wat time then can get to sleep. Feeling bad today... Dont in gd health today. Coughing badly. Having headache.....

Meet wen on sat. went to watch the movie - past of my girlfriend. something like that de. Not bad..... After that proceed to void deck to slack..... These few days is so damn hot. No wind...... Really sweat like hell ah. Chat a lot. Then went home.

Went to see the chinese doctor. Getting more pain as he do. Aiyo...... then went to eat long john as my lunch. Cos need to eat medicine after that. Then on the way to interchange to take bus home. saw a toy. Very fun. Is a movable flower.... I saw it and find that funny and fun. I bought one for myself and one for wen. Haha..... so excited. After reach home. open it and play with it. Haha....... Feel so excited. So ask if wen wan to meet up, so i can pass her the flower and laugh together. Haha...... Hope she like it. Meet her up at 8.30pm. went to a void deck and slack. And start our conversation. Enjoyed our conversation. Both were crazy like hell..... And on the way back to her blk area. She gave me a hug. Which i had asked for quite some time. The feeling was great. That was her 1st hug to me. So happy. Felt the caring....... So sweet..... haha..... Can i have one more..... Haha

Will stop here....
Haha

2009-06-12T03:20:00.000+08:00

Slacking around in the office. As it is my lunch time. Can't get to sleep. Don't know y.... So came in to crap a while. Haha...... Weather is bloody hot. Went to smoke just now and can feel that my leg and butt seems to be like burning..... aiyo...... Roasted pig anyone interested. Haha....... Not busy today at work. Can do my things slowly. Can't walk much also.... Trying to walk as less as possible.

Really can feel that i am getting fatter and fatter... Oh my god.... anyone any suggestions how to slim down the healthy way. But fast..... anyone know.... I need advise..... I don't eat much leh....... I wan to exercise, but my back like that.... Also don't know till when then i can exercise..... aiyo...... Read through my past entries..... like very demorale past.... i wan to change.... more happy entries.... more bo liao 1. Haha....... jia you man......

I wan kiss, hugs. Anyone.... Haha...... (toking nonsense again) haha...... I am thinking am i considered dirty minded.... after thinking...... i think i am.... Haha..... so is it counted gd or bad.... Hmm...... For a lady..... should be ok right.... nvm la. I also nv done anything bad. Haha...... I am those kind that. i can say anything but dont dare to do 1. safe la safe la..... hahahahaha

Think i will stop here

Start to Zzzzzzzzzz.

Tk care everyone.

Ni pen down

2009-06-10T05:35:00.000+08:00

Feeling very terrible.... my back waist there. Dont know will have to take how long to recover. Went to see chinese doctor. Told me is slip disk. Dont really know what is that. So sian. Even have difficulty in sleeping. The Mc given is of no use in my co. So no choice, have to work. Cos was supposed to walk less and rest more. But i got no choice. Have to bear with it loh.

Enrol for my sept exam. Stress is starting soon. So sian. took 4 subject. Hope can manage. Pray hard for it. Suntec IT fair is coming. Is this weekend. I wan to go..... see if can find anything cheap and gd to use stuff. Yeah......... Sure got lots of people. have to be careful of my back.....

The more i work here, the more sian i get. dont know how to say, just feel sian. No wonder my cousin left. Can understand her feelings. really so sian. A drag everyday. Even my colleagues dinah also feel this way.

Leo bought a balloon to cheer me up. Wonder wat is the meaning of the balloon ?? He nv say anything just gave me..... He went to reservist already. So boring..... start to miss him already.....

will stop here...
Ni pen down

2009-05-26T03:28:00.000+08:00

Finally managed to complete all my homework. Yeah.... Sat meet wen go kbox at pasir ris Ehub. We sang for 6hours. Oh my god. Sing till so tired..... Going to no voice liao..... Before that had our dinner at blk 201. we both had chicken chop. Nice~~~~~~ Had a great day.

Sunday woke up and slack for a while. Do some housework. And finish up my homework. Then slack and watch VCD. Wen called and ask if wan to meet up. Meet her at 7.30pm. Went to void deck pub and slack. Haha...... weather is Damn humid. No wind at all. I was sweating like hell already. Aiyo..... Going to faint liao. After went to toilet, bought another drink and change places. A better one. More windy and enjoying the wind. Had a great chat with her.

Went home and had my cooling bath, and aircon all the way. Enjoy man. Then don't know till wat time then start to slp. should be after 1am liao..... Feels tired but just can't get to slp. This morning nearly can't wake up. Feels tired, but stil lunch time can't slp. So blogging here.......

Boring at work..... Weather so hot, like no aircon here. Cant feel much..... Feel like bathing. Haha...... Today morning leo car spoil. His aircon and window cant move. So suah to have aircon spoil at this time. Aiyo....... So nv meet him up for breakfast today.....Had breakfast with dinah.

Will stop here
Gu Niang stop blabbing

Tired days ahead.....

2009-05-23T04:14:00.001+08:00

Been so tired. So damn busy. Many things to do. A whole lot loaded of homework to be done. So stress up now. Time is not enough for me. I need to relax down. Studying 5 days week. Feel very taxing. My room is like a rubbish bin. so messy... no time to pack at all.

Feel very shack..... who can save me man....... Came back from Taiwan not long. From 8 may - 14 may. Touch down around 11++. Damn tired. And can't get used to the weather. Immediately after i exit the airport, i started to sweat like hell. Over Taiwan there, the weather is cooling. And our hotel aircon is like free of charge..... so damn freezing cold. And the best part is, we can't change the temperature at all. I manage to enjoy the bath tub on the second last day. I actually fall asleep while soaking myself. Haha..... Dont know how i managed to do that..... Luckily they shout for me. If not i dont know i will be soaking for how long man..... There goes my 1st trip. Overall i will say is ok. Kept on fall sick there. Think should be not getting used to the pressure on the plane and the weather and the air there. All very different. I got stomach upset on my 1st and 2nd day. Eyes infection on the next day... And a few asthma attacks. Think should be all ba. So pei sei that keep on give problem.

The food there is Ok. 1 regret is that i didn't get to try the Taiwan mcnugget there. Wonder if it is the same as in singapore. Bought some food back as gifts. Actually didnt eat myself. Think should be nice ba. Not free to eat yet. Haha.......

Yesterday is 1yr and 1mth anniversary with him. I actually forgot about it. (slap) Till today then i remember. But we nv celebrate at all. Both are broke and tired. So nvm la. Small thing only. Haha.......

Really feel like bashing her up. Always find me trouble. Act pitiful and gossip here and there. I really hate her to the core. Soon.... once my patience is up. And i swear i will give her colour see. Make sure she suffer like hell......

2009-05-01T03:01:00.000+08:00

Quite some time nv blog liao. Been busy working and studying. Sick and recovered and sick again.. aiyo....... Finally my period come liao. So no worries for my trip. Days are getting nearer and nearer. I havent pack my stuff yet. Think will have to pack today or tom if can. So many homework to do. Think my holiday will be burned liao. Since also no where to go... No dates.....

Heard that my exam results will be out in mid of may.... So gan jong man. Really hope that can make it. If not sure cry like hell.......

He told me his plans of getting married things. I was like blur. He hope to be able to settle down next yr. But with his financial now, i think that is very difficult. He looked at the HDB website. He dont even know how to search. In the end, i ask my colleague for help. My kakis colleague majid taught him through the phone how to see. So kind of him. Bought him kopi and currf puff next day for breakfast. Haha.... I am thinking if i can settle down with him now. Cos we are really not so stable. Thinking of it really feel scary.

He cant take stress at all. Since he started to plan for the future, he start to complain and tell me that he is stress and always mood swings. really dont understand. just tell him off that if he cannot take the stress then don think and dont get married. don need to save up. Just live his life this way. He is too over slacker. and he expect me to settle for him. Always like that. I am not going to help him plan his life. i need to force him to take the 1st step to plan his own things and make decision himself. It is time for him to grow up.

Boring life man. Think about it. Whenever i think of wanting to go out. I also dont know who to ask. All is busy with their own lives. Think that is the way ba.... Dont know wat to do man. Everyday slack. Sian siah....... Life like this sucks to the max. I wan to change...........

People change, and i think i am starting to change too.

2009-04-08T03:06:00.000+08:00

Feel very tired..... Many issues to settle. Had a serious attack yesterday. Called him and he didn't pick my call. So disappointed. He didn't call me at all. Didnt even know what he is doing at all. In the end call my friend to send me. Luckily still have my friend to help me. This morning, he is late. In the end, i have to wait for him for 10mins. Make me nearly late for work. So tired already still have to stand there and wait for him. Really dont know what he is doing. All he say is last nite he watch tv till he fall aslp. He didnt even sms me at all.

Body getting weaker. cos i skip going to doctor. Nv take any medicine. I don even know what is the situation now. Hope that i can hold on. I am hoping for the taiwan trip. Hope that everything goes well. This is my 1st trip. Very anxious, At the start i feel very excited. But now becos of many things coming, And money issues, so i hope everything will be settled. I also don know much. Just follow them. They plan and arrange everything. Will stick to wen wen.

I am very shack. I need a break. Many things going on, Dont know how to say. I also dont wish to say. Dont like to say my things out now. Since it is of no help. I will settle myself. I am old enough to settle my own problem. Lets hope that no major things coming. Then i will be more relaxed.

Is he really the one. Whenever i start to feel the sweetness, he will surely destroy it. How many times do i have to tell myself to forget about it and still think that he is reliable and good. Really hope that he wont make me regret my decision. That all i can say is that is the final time. No more chances. I cant take any blows.

2009-03-30T11:26:00.000+08:00

Going on a trip to taiwan on May. This is my 1st trip. So anxious. Hope that this will be a fun trip. Money is an issue. Hope that everything will be settled. Haven't been in a gd mood lately. Having headache lately. Many things to consider.

Company keep on shutdown. Already on unpaid leave already. So sian. No leave and still must cut pay. Boring to work there. Colleagues sucks there. Supervisors is so lousy. Gossipers everywhere. So tired to work there.

My thinking is in a mess now. I cant think of anything now. Really need to relax and dont care everything. Sore throat till now till still havent recover. Medicine has finished. Still very pain. Aiyo......... Already drink water like hell liao. But still no use.

I need so laughter..... Anyone can make me laugh??? anyone

2009-03-16T06:18:00.000+08:00

Exam is finally over man. So damn tired. But truly hope that my hard work is being repaid with gd results. Praying hard for that. This year exam is so hard. Finally get to rest well on Fri night. Done all my house work. So many housework to do. cant believe it is only less than a month and theres so much things to do. Fainted siah. Slacking around. And waiting for the disaster monday to come. As i will know that surely that theres much work to be done. Those bitches surely dont help at all de.

Starting classing on monday alone. She decided to give up. All i can know is that, from the start, i can feel that she dont like to study at all. Since it is giving her stress. It is better to stop. I don wan to see her getting all stress up. And she can have all the time to rest and go out. Dont have to worry because of classes. And get to watch her fav tv show.

As long as she is happy, i am happy for her. I know that i can do this myself. Hopefully she can stay strong and live well. It is sad to know that she is sinking down. And i can do nothing. I truly dont wishes to see anything bad happens to her. Hope she can withstand the obstacle and passes through with smiling faces. All i can do is to stand by her and support her. The rest is up to her. I really cant do anything else. Please bless her.

Weather had been bad lately. Raining and sun shining brightly. Making people get sick easily man. Must really be careful. irus everywhere man.

Tk care everyone

Ni pen down

2009-03-06T07:59:00.000+08:00

Today woke up early. Exam on IT. SO tired. The exam is so difficult. So hard ah......After that went to buy drinks and rest and slack at the void deck. So tired and we are so crazy...... like after 1 exam so tired. Can see wen is very sian and frustrated about the exam. Hope she will be smooth all the way for the rest of the paper and score well for her exam. I also hope i can score well and smooth for my exam. Please pray for me. Thanks.

Weather quite bad lately. Rain and sun. Hot and cold. Can get sick easily. People around me is either coughing or flu or both. Hope all will get well soon. Many things to think about. Everything that is going on and things to consider about it. Hope that i wont be making a wrong move about it.

No time to accompany Leo these few weeks. Try my best to do what i can to accompany him. Know that he wont mind. But feel bad about it.

Ni going off le

Tk care everyone

2009-02-24T00:22:00.001+08:00

Next week is my exam period begins...... Quite stress..... Dont know y have been having frequent attacks of migraine...... Dont know wats wrong...... is something happening.........Wat is going on....... quarrel with him just now..... he say i am a weak person... even compare himself wit me. Say i am weaker by him 100 times.... i really dont understand... wat is this.... say all this for wat..... I just ask him.... is he really sure i am so weak... He even explain to me.... Really piss me off... Is he trying to tell me that i am weak.... A burden to him..... i am so disappointed...... i just tell him that next time i am sick or watever, i wont tell him, so that he don have to worry or burden him.... Then he say he say till too over.... But it is too late...... i am totally so pissed off.... i dont wan to talk to him...... he keep on ask me to forget about wat he say..... and don angry.... easier said than done..... wat the hell........

Make me vomits blood ilke hell.......

Many things happening, trying to stay cheerful........ Hope to be able to take the exam smoothly and hopefully able to pass....

Now every week only work 4 days..... company need to tide over the bad economy..... although is happy that there is one more day to rest, but hav to deduct leave.... so sian liao....... no more leave left.... have to take unpaid leave for exam..... xiong liao......... Really need to cut cost liao.

Heard from wen that she may be planning not to study liao...... Maybe she is too stress about that...... Then she will have more time for her friends more rest.... good for her. But have to see how is her decisions. Of course i am happy to study wit her, but i don wan to see her so stressed. As long as she happy, i am happy for her liao. Hope that she will be better. Cos she really looks so depressed so sian, so demorale. Hope that she will be better after the exam is over.

tk everyone

2009-02-12T15:14:00.000+08:00

Tiring month....... Although no need to work on monday but like very busy. Time not enough to use. There is a free check up for hearing. I went and was told that my right ear if really want to listen well, i need a hearing aid. I wont op for that. I dont like to wear something on my ear. Done a survey and done some checking. Thats bad. Valentine day is this sat. But not meeting Leo. He is working and i have to study. He understand. And i told him that if we wan, everyday is valentine day. Ask him to save him. Dont waste money. Got a gift from wen, shan and Leo. Thanks man.

Really need to save up a lot. Will be poor like hell. Next month will be taking many unpaid leave. So sian. Have to settle bills, insurance, give allowance, medical bills, and my daily expenses, n school fees. Faint liao...... Shit man...... Going to reach a crisis soon. Need to save more on this Feb pay. SO cant spend much liao. Save as much as i can. Think i have to let go of the supernatural discs. Wait till i have the ability then i buy.

No more shopping and VCD and expenses hav to cut down by half if possible. Thinking of the medical bills, will faint. Check up and medicine costs a bomb. Think hav to work part time after my exam period. To tide over the crisis. Still considering. Cos my health is not really in a gd condition. *headache*

Feel giddy frequently, having migraine and headache. Vomit like hell. Sore throat never ending story. and the most sickening 1 is insomia. Like old lady like that. So many pro. haha

Think will stop here.

Alien Ni pen down

2009-02-06T15:19:00.001+08:00

Store people have finally moved into our office. Say for so long. At least a year liao. Office is not so cold liao. Haha... cos door keep on open and close. Chiang the store manager sit beside me. Still don get used to it. Such a tall person, block my feng shui siah. Haha....... I really hate her man. Always find me trouble. Always seeking attention. Once i resign, She will get it. I sure complain her like hell.... Scold her right in the face. I make sure i do that..... Just this week, had been to the doctor twice. Thats bad. Health is going down. Body giving way. Thats bad news..... Getting prepared for it. Haiz......

Study study and study... aiya... fainting liao......

Valentine Day is coming soon. My husband say she buying chocolate for me. My wife bought a Piglet boster softtoy for me. Keke...... So happy...... They brighten my day... So sweet..... at least i know they think of me and not find me when they need my help. :)

My wife and me .... keke

My Husband & me..... haha

My Bf & me...... hehe

1st time post pic in my blog....haha......

Will stop here..... gu niang tired le....haha......

Nite nite

2009-02-03T03:17:00.000+08:00

Sat work till 12pm. Halfday only. haha..... managed to cleared everything. Actually things are not much also. Quite little things to do...... Wen came my house to bai nian. Around 2++, use computer while i do my house work..... so pei sei nv entertain her. i know she wont mind de. Then watch DVD ip man together. Nice show....... Lazy to go shower. Rest and slacking. Wen ask me when i wan to slack until. Haha...... took my bath at about 4++. When to wen house to bai nian. Watch tv and slack till 6pm then off we go to tampines mall to have our dinner and watch our movies. We ate foodcourt. We share Fried kway teow and chicken chop. Each half half. It was so full. Took a puff and watched the wedding game. Fann wong show. Still ok, still hav so funny part. But the story plot was okok..........

Same thing goes. Do our home work. Although only one homework, but we do till 2am ++. So difficult question, till we both are so frustrated. We really need to buck up. We are slow in learning. We have very poor understanding power. Jia you wen wen. After done our home work, i really feel so demorale so depressed so sian. Feel myself so useless, and pro is crashing on me.... all the pro and illness and money issues..... sickening man...... Wen was there to console me to cheer me up. I know she herself is sian and she make the effort to cheer me up. Thanks girl.

Sun woke up late. Then took my breakfast cum lunch cum dinner. Had long john. Then study time. Then slack at home. After leo finish work, went to Ikea and Giant to buy things. Leo bought a crocodie soft toy gave me. And went to loyang temple to pray. Then straight home.

Feeling demorale, leo ask me wat happen, i dont feel like talking so i tell him nothing. Closing myself up. Don wan to talk at all. Very sian. Bye to Egypt... My dream. A dream never to fulfil... A too expensive dream....

2009-01-30T14:02:00.000+08:00

Windy nights........ this yr ang bao is about the same as last yr.....House visiting to my grandma house. my father side de & my mother side de. Went to Leo there on the 2nd day of New yr. Slack till sat then start work. Forced to take leave for 3days. Also don know where to go.

Settle my appointment wit the doc. Really don feel like going. But no choice. Cannot injection, no medicine to cure, nothing le..... nothing..... that's it le.... what the hell..... This yr is a bad year for pig. Really have to be careful le.

Havent go wen wen house Bai nian yet. Actually plan on sat go de. Hope sat only work half day. She also havent come my house bai nian. Sat working will surely be boring. Have to see her face. Think of it my mood totally spoil. Boring life..... sian ah...........

New yr eve, went to pasir ris kbox to sing song. Played spray. but the spray is like so lousy. after a while and it is finished. Shi si put aeroplane. And i received her sms today. Saying she is sorry and ask if i am angry. Infact i am not angry. But just disapointed in her. Everything is just a lie. I hate people lying to me. I really feel not gd when she say all these things. And avoided our calls when we called her. Not responsible at all. This is going to be the last time. I am not going to trust her anymore. I had enough of her aeroplane. If she dont cherish me as a friend then no point me one sided keep on trying to maintain the friendship.

In my life, i have many failure in friendships, failure in studies, failure in relationship. To now what i have really accomplished. I dont know.......Really is nothing ba.... and i am 26 this yr and nothing is accomplished. What a sad thing to hear huh....

But it is ok. I really dont care a damm... simple life and carefree is what i wan now.

2009-01-22T15:23:00.000+08:00

Weather have been very hot in the afternoon..... Nite time so cold.... So windy..... New Year is coming. Holiday is coming also... Yeah..... Coming friday will be closing. Rest for 5 days. The more i work there, the more sian i feel. Really sucks there. People sucks. Gossipers, back stabber. it is not the work that make me tired, it is the people there that makes me tired.

Sat do home work do until siao liao..... so many so many so many to do. wen & me, do 1 question smoke 1 time... haha... need to take a break to rest ourself. Due to so many home work to do, so nv go watch movies. So suah.... After finish 1 of my homework, the full scap fly away, i was chasing after it. Shocked wen, she thought what happen. then i finally caught hold of the paper, i lost my balance and fell down. So pei sei, just nice a car drive past. Wen say the driver was driving very slowly and looking at what is happening. So pei sei siah. Really very happening sat ah.....Wen help me to massage my blue black... So pain ah..... she is so strong, and she is so happy to do the blue black...haha... She always help me to do my blue black de. So that will faster recover.... So sweet ah.... but very pain....haha.....pain until i am sweating...haha...Scary ah.

Have been having weird dreams lately..... Lame, weird, funny. I dont understand why will like that also. Got tell wen some of the dreams that i remember. haha.... We going to buy bra on Fri... yeah..... buying red colour..... try on let wen see..haha....

Wen : you and my fate is linked together, so lets jia you together ok..... lets happy and enjoy together..... Lets create more memories together.. " Jia You Jia You Jia You"

Tk care everyone

Ni pen down

2009-01-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

Hanging on, Had a bad day today. Went to have my injection today. Can't take it at all. When the effect came, i was like so pain. Till i actually went unconcious. I dont know i fainted for how long. But luckily i was awake back. I was pull back from the dead. Had to take another pain kiler jab to stop the pain. Really inbearable. But after that only numb and tired. Really very scared. Infact was supposed to take the jab tom, but the hospital do the wrong arrangement. So was told yesterday to come today to take the jab. I can't slp at all yesterday.

Now the pain killer effect is lesser, and i can start to feel the pain again. I really don't know if i can take it. Still trying to take the pain. Hope that i can endure for tonight. Hanging on..... hanging on...... hanging on.......

If i perish tonight. Please tk care everyone. I just wan to say, i love u all. Thanks for the support. Everybody live strong, Stay happy. Live life to the fullest man. Don't have regrets.

Hanging on..... hanging on..... hanging on....

2009-01-12T15:30:00.000+08:00

Had my hair dye today. Still find it quite striking. Not the colour that i want. Hope after some time washing will dull the colour. Very sian today. Very moodless. He always spoil my day. Really don't understand what he is thinking. He don't understand at all. Really very frustrated. When then he will wake up the idea and understand what is going on. Or he really not concerned at all. Very frustrated now.

Yesterday meet wen at TM. Went to have our dinner at Yoshinoya. Then movies we watched Ong Bak 2. The show is not bad. The fighting is ok. After that proceed to under blk to do our homework. So many questions to do. We do for very long, but only do finish some. Not fully finish. Too many liao. Have to wait till next time then continue le.

Chat awhile after that. Had a great chat. Told her my stress. She gave me her wen wen philosophy. Haha....Really hope that everything will turn out well.

Date for doctor has been changed from wed to thur. Hope that all will be smooth. A risk that i will be gambling on. Live or die will see thur. Wen if i win the war, i will let u know. If not then i just wan to tell u that u are my best friend. My one and only best friend. Very glad to have known u.

Really feeling very heavy. Hope tat things turn out well. Pray hard.

To my husband cum cousin - shan, tk care.
To my wife cum bestfriend - wen tk care.
To my bf - Leo - tk care.
To my family - tk care.

I will pen down now.

Everyone tk care

2009-01-09T13:31:00.000+08:00

What a bad day at work. So pissed off. Keep on show attitide. What the hell. Think wat she is. Angry man. Sooner or later sure kick her ass. Boring day. Always nothing much to do. so boring man..... lesser and lesser things to do le.

Went to sch on wed. And finally our exam date is comfirmed. aiya....... stress is coming le. have to start to revise le. Going to the doc soon. Very gan jong man. Hope everything will be fine. Bad or gd omen.... figuring out man....... haha

If one day yr partner is gone, what will u do ? what is yr reaction... Go find another 1 or go part out and get drunk... go and hav a one night stand.... hmm..... i think for me should be go party and drink like hell ba...... haha......

If one day i am gone, what will my friends do ? hmm........... wondering.....

haha..

Will stop here

Ni pen down

2009-01-07T15:50:00.000+08:00

Today work is so boring.... Nothing to do at all. So slack... Slack until i going to fall aslp. Today know that new syllabus has started. Wed and Fri will be having Account fundmental classes. As for tues will be Auditing. Seh liao...... Exams coming at March... Lalala haven't revise yet. Oh My God.....New Year also coming soon... Alot of things haven't do yet siah......haha..like so busy like that ah....

Very xin ku.. Heart very pain.... Have to take jab soon.... Spoke to the doctor. Still don't know the situation yet. Only till 14 Jan 09 after meeting up with the doctor then will see how. don't know if need to stay in the hospital for observation. Hopefully not. I really don't wan to stay there. I don't wan.. Ah ann die of virus attack, Ah Leong also die of virus. Will i join them soon also. Seems like there is no cure at all. Only can wait for death to come. Seems scary to me. But i hav no choice also. Just don't care ba.

Will stop here
Ni pen down

A New Year , A New Start

2009-01-06T15:24:00.000+08:00

2009 has come. and hope this is a good start for me. Went to a " Gui Yi " ceremony on sat 3 Jan 09. A true buddhist le. But no need to eat vegetable. I am considered a meat eater ba. Cos i don't like to eat veggie at all. Been quite slacker lately.... very lazy, maybe is due to weather ba.

I find Leo weird these weeks. Don't know what he is thinking. He seems to be planning something. But i don't know what he is thinking at all. And keep on ask funny question. I ask myself if i love him, and the answer is Yes i love him. But still we are not considered so stable. Hope we can go further.

Will stop here

Alien pen down

2008-12-24T15:30:00.000+08:00

Struggling is the term for what i am doing now. struggling in living, struggling in work, struggling to stay cheerful. Is the struggle worth it. What is the motive i am struggling for. Actually do people around me really need me to be around. I don't think so. To them maybe even if i am not around, would not be a losses.

Feeling sickly and tired, thinking of letting go. Very sian loh... i am beginning to let go of many things. even letting go of many people around me. Starting to heck care people. Started to heck care of many things. Getting more and more no life. Since there is no point of living on. Then soon it is time to totally let go.

Leo, just wan to tell him that i Love him, but too bad we may not be lasting. life is short, please live life to the fullest.

dead pig

2008-07-17T12:58:00.000+08:00

Shan left the co le. Had been doing all the work myself. Office is still messy, with all the back stabbing and gossiping. So tired working there. But no choice, i have to study. I need the income to support my school fees. Hopefully all these will end soon. Faster hire someone....... Waiting still......

Studies is still ok. Now is havnig my IT lessons. Still ok. But i know that the hard part is coming my way soon...... Hope i wont hear myself say "SHIT" haha....... Friendship is in a mess state. I dont know what is the pro. Is it theirs or mine. There is a tension between. And had ben going on for quite awhile. Hope it will resume to normal. I am getting sick and tired of always the entertainer. And not them. They always ask me to talk. Why not them 1st. Y must it always be me. I am not always the happy 1. I do have my quiet moments. Dont always expect me to lame all the way..... If you all really think this way, then it is really not respectful at all. Please share my burden, and not i doing it for all my friends. NOT FAIR......

Relationship with boy is still ok. We do have different views, we did quarrel. But all is well. He is caring and thoughtful. But sometime blur and slow. Haha.. I too sometime will be blur... Haha... Well thats us.... The blurs 1. I found a new english name for him. Finally!!!... not richard anymore. He is called Leo. He say he like the name too. Thats great....... :)

Overall my health is still ok, stil trying to maintain it. Taking medicine when needed. And frequently visiting the doctors. Earning my hard earn money....... But i hate to visit them. Cos doctors can be naggy. ALthough is for our own good, but still find it irritating....... But still frequently vomitting blood. Thats a common thing for me. Many thing not able to do le. Cant drink, cant be to exhausted, cos my heart wont be able to take it. Considered myself quite no life. But contented to have leo by my side to accompany me. Although he knew about my condition, he dont mind it. Just wanna spend the time together as long as we can. To have more memories together...

I will stop nagging...bla bla bla
Take care
ciaos

2008-06-23T06:46:00.000+08:00

Things changed. Nothing is really forever and lasting. People changed. I really don't know what happen. After meet up with .. then things is different. No conversation seems real and fun. We are quiet. And didn't talk much. Something seems to be on her mind. And when asked, no ans is told. Secret kept and not told. Although the explain. But after so many things happen and i noticed. I really start to wonder if she is actually hinting to me something. I really don't know. I hate this kind of things. I don't really talk much le. And she will only talk about her work things. Gd to hear that she got new friends.

Meet up grace for blading session. Had a great workout. Sweat man... yeah..... Been donkey years since i saw her. And we were like chatting non stop. Heard her things and i told mine. Chat about the past. Really many things happened in the past and i don't even know. Wow..... Till now then i know.... But nvm it is over... Haha......... After meeting up with her, really feel that we are old liao..... haha.....

2008-05-16T15:20:00.000+08:00

La lala.... very long nv post here liao. Sick for few weeks. Having fever up and down. i and him got back together. 21 April 08. Dont know we will last long. I have no confidence to handle this relationship. And he do changed a lot. I actually forgot my blog add. Been really long since i read blog and write it. So shitty.... getting older and older... Ah......... cant imagine this... time past fast. Becoming wither flower liao...... getting tired easily. Really old...... must slp more. nv go cheong liao. Drink very less. And dont always go out liao. More and more no life liao... more older more piggy le... y like that.... Someone quick push me to " Li Ba" beat me from hello until goodbye man....... haha.......

Cannot write liao.... tired le.... haha.... continue some other time......

Bye bye

2007-12-21T05:05:00.000+08:00

Disaster is coming my way..... I am so broke and doctor call me.. and talk shits. What the hell. I dont know what to do la. I really dont wan to make decision liao la. DECISION DECISION AND DECISION. Can anyone make for me. Wish for someone strong to be by my side to guide me, and give me advise. I am really on my own. No advise given.... Even small thing i have to decide. Sian...

Wanna go and die. Took a stroll nearby and let myself calm down. Take a moment to relax and think carefully what i want. What i should do. But till this moment i am still in a confused state. I wish to throw this matter aside and dont care 1st. But i cant, i have to make a decision fast. I am going crazy soon. All i can think of is life sucks. When am i going to be suah till when.

I wan a new life and start all over again. A new start and new choices in life. Then i will make different choices. and wont land in this way now.

2007-11-27T04:16:00.000+08:00

Thur 22 Nov, work half day. Went home to help sis pack her things. And she went back to her house. Cos our house is too dusty, bad for the baby. The baby keep on sneeze. So go home help her. The baby is so cute. Like to do stretching when sleeping. move a lot. And i saw her yawn. Was so cute. Fri 23 Nov, was my birthday. Took leave. Woke up early to do the house work. Then meet wen at 12pm. Went to driving centre to book my test date. Will be next yr Feb. After that proceed to meet boy at bedok interchange. Then took train to cityhall. Boy was so funny, Keep on make us laugh. And we even talk about hokkien wording. I argue with him. haha. Then wen "peng". Went to new york new york for our lunch. The food there was not bad. I had fish and chip. Nice..... Boy had pork chop and wen hav spagetti. Then went to marina square to see movies. Played arcade for a while. Then see the show brats. Was okok. Then after the show is already evening. Actually plan to KTV. but boy say why not go to geylang 1, Cheaper. So after considering. I decide to go there. His brother came to fetch us, Instead of going to the ktv, he told his brother to drive to his house 1st. I was like blur...... Then i was there for 4 hrs.... waiting for the car to come, then he bring us go. And was like waiting for boy and the car, but the time the car came, it is already 11++. My birthday is going to be over soon. but still got a piece of cake for my birthday, at the staircase. Quite a special 1. It will surely be a memorable birthday. But overall was ok.

Sat 24 Nov, meet wen up in the evening. Went to tampines to see movies. Watched the tattoist. The show was not bad. After that went to a void deck and chat. We chat till 4am... We didnt even realised the time....

Thanks wen and boy for celebrating my birthday. Wen thanks for the present. Really very "exp"haha. Thanks boy for the lunch. Thanks jass and kelly sis for the present. And hua for the present. Thanks for those that sms me. Thanks.

2007-11-20T14:07:00.000+08:00

Am i so irritating. Am i so detestable. Or u are just acting in front of me. Soneone who can be used. Someone who is stupid and u are the clever 1. I really dont know which is the true you. I dont understand u at all. You are so changable. So unpredictable. I just dont understand. U can tell me bad things about this people. Then treat this people so gd, and so close. So which is the truth behind. Y so complicated. Isnt acting tired. I see you act, i am so tired.

2007-11-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

Stayed at home today. Need to arrange my thoughts. Think through. And i had nothing that worries me. Dont have to see problems as so serious. If it will be settled then it will be, if not then it will be ok. Dont have to let everyone worried about. Everything can be simple. It is how we see things. I dont wish to let things make my life bitter. I believe things will change for the better.

Learn the lessons being taught. It will be very valuable in future. It makes us grow up and make us be more sensible. I dont understand the meaning of life. And always think that death will be a good to end everything. But if will only pains those that love and care for me. Now if i wan to live on, is not for me to decide. I dont have the decision in my hand. All i can do is to try to keep myself moving on as many days as i can. No matter how bad days can be. I will strive on.

All i wan to say is. Dad and mum i love u.

Ni pen down

2007-10-21T16:38:00.000+08:00

Yesterday morning work up early in the morning to go for my driving lessons. Was so tired, so concentration. Drive all the way to tampines. 1st time. So gan jong. Haha..... Then go home and pack my room. So messy. Then off to parkway with wen. Went to have our dinner there. We had mos burger. Then ktv at kbox. With wen friend brian and his gf. They left at about 1plus. We continue to sing till 3pm. Closing. Sad that kbox at parkway is closing today. Today is last day. Dont know the reason. Then east side dont have anymore kbox liao. Will have to go further.

2007-10-14T20:38:00.000+08:00

Stayed at home today. My rest day. Watch my vcd. Nice...... Yesterday went out with wen in the evening. Went to see movies. Then went to slack and chat. Told her that i am getting more like blur, and more sotong. Cannot control myself and will go into a daze. Super poor memory. More and more like an idiot. I asked her if i were to become an idiot, what will she do. She say she will take care of me.

Now still don't know what is the outcome. Took some test. A checkup and now is waiting for the next appointment to come. And see what i will receive. Hope not bad news. Heart pain, stomach pain, Leg pain. Everywhere pain. What is happening. I can feel my body is not normal. It is changing. It is not my usual body. What is happening.

I dont care i dont care i dont care. That my new attitude. I really dont wan to care.

2007-10-09T20:44:00.000+08:00

Really feel very tired. but even if i get enough rest, i still feel tired. What is happening to me. Dont tell me that is adult hood. I dont wan. Feel so boring now. Really wish to go out and take a breather. So boring at home. Going crazy soon. But no where to go. And friends are either busy working or tired to come out. I think forget it ba..... I am bored to death... I WAN TO GO OUT.....

I hate being used. I hate it if i am the one u show attitude to. Dont show me attitude. And please dont force me to do things i dont wan. If i say i dont wan means i dont wan. No point forcing me. I know what i am doing. I am 24 yrs old already. Please let me have a say in my own life. I really wonder did you really put yrself in my shoes. Did u really think for me. Or u just think for yrself. I dont know.

My computer speaker spoilt. SO sian. Hear music using pc speaker. The sound is not gd. And the volume is so "loud"........

I wan to die liao..... Can i just plead anyone to just kill me. I really need it.

2007-10-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

Quite some ti me nv blog liao. Tired and tired. Must be old liao. Haha...... Not enough slp and i actually dont know i busy with wat......haha..... Lantern festival is over... Coming is hari raya puasa.... yes 1 day off. No need to work le..... Want to go out. wan to have fun. Enjoy my day..... Still panning wat to do...hmm......haha

headache siah...... need slp... many many slp slp..............aiyo... really have to admit that i am old liao. easily tired. cannot overnight. The max for 1 night. And i will be so stone. deadly stone man. So shitty.....

Will stop here

2007-09-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

So tired. Although slack at home. But felt tired. Use computer the whole day. From the moment i woke up. Had things to do. Tired. My eyes tired. aiya.......... Felt weird. Don't know hat is happening. Getting blur and blur. Having headache now.... Think later need to take some panadol. Think i need to visit the doctor soon. Still waiting for the arrangement also. So long. So slow........

I dont know whether to trust him a not. There is 2 stories. I have a feeling that he is lying something. That he is keeping something. Dont know what is it. Dont wish to get involved in their business. Dont wan to care.

She called me on fri nite. Her decision was bad. I told wen about it. And both agree that she is making a bad decision. she will not only ruin her life but the other one also. Dont know what to say. Just feel that she is so naive, and her dooms day is coming if she still wan to continue to slack on.

I think my health is getting worse. Realy can feel it. And many weird things is happening to my body. Nv told anyone, i myself knew it. Dont know how to react. o just let it be.

Will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-08-30T18:45:00.000+08:00

Been Sick these few days. Cough, flu, sore throat and fever up and down. Eat panadol to push down the fever. I dont wan to see doctor. I hate seeing doctor. If possible i dont wan to go. Yesterday was in hospital again. Not for the transfer. But i was giddy. vomitted too much blood. Luckily nothing happen. Was so tired. Tomorrow is month end le. Will have to OT i guess. Shack..........

Last week was my 1st lesson on the road. Was very suah. The road was so packed with vehicles. I had to wait for at least 10-15mins, then can turn out. Overall was ok. Hope to get a more better instructor. Felt that this instructor i had wasnt that gd. Instructions given was messy. Make me confused.

Hoon came back to stay for 2 weeks. Her husband went to reservist. So she came back. Someone to talk le. Yeah....... Finally. If not so lonely.....

Will stop here

Dau Ni pen down

2007-08-18T16:34:00.000+08:00

Today was supposed to go for my driving lessons. It was raining in the morning. Meet wen up at interchange. I couldn't find my PDL... And was so frustrated. Called wen up. Told her that i am still finding. And she was like huh..... Then we called to check. That if the PDL is lost. Have to reapply a new 1. Means another $25..... Then as usual. Went for my lessons. And the instructor actually wan to bring me on the road. But i have no PDL. So no choice. He say if i lost my PDL, i have to make a police report. Ahhhhh..... So no choice. After my lessons. Wen accompany me to make a police report.

Today so suah siah...... So sian.... Don't step on my tail and i won't do anything. Make me frustrated. Is either i kill u or u kill me. So angry. Can u be more sensible, and dont do stupid things. Talk about it and i am so angry. Now is the seven mth. Many people praying. Many smoky areas.

I really dont like to talk much nowadays. Maye only to some people, i will talk more. If not i dont wish to open my mouth. Since people always say i talk rubbish and make people angry. So i keep my mouth shut loh. So can U please judt fuck off my life, dont torture me, and dont torture yrself.

2007-08-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went out with wen after work. She wanna meet up for dinner. Went to tampines. Had yoshinoya for dinner. After that same thing. Went to TM smoking area for chat. Then chat till about 9pm. Then off we go. After that meet up with shan. Went for east coast for a blading sessions. Had a great sweat. A gd exercise. After that found a gd spot to rest and to relax and enjoy the breeze. Then to mac to drink. To replenish my water :)

Slack at home the whole day at home. Woke up in the afternoon. Then read my story book and listen to songs. Thats all. Thinking of what may happen. And what should be my reactions. Miss you so much. But i really cant tell u this. Realy kept everything inside. Dont wan to tell anyone le. Dont wan to bother anyone. I know it is a drag to have to hear people stories. A very irritating thing. So i better keep to myself. Better to stick to my old self.

I will stop here

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2007-08-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went out with boy. Went to farm. To see dog. Very cute........ Happens to had a minor attack. Asked him to send me to hospital. On the way i called the hospital. Called my doctor. And was send in for my "treatment".. Felt so terrible. So pain.... I thought i wont be able to make it out of the hospital. But i made it. Felt so weak. Boy bought me to sakae for dinner. Cos we used to go there for dinner. And he know i like to eat the fried rice there. So after dinner he sent me home.. Dont know if i scared him.

Really dont know how many days i had left. Thought about it. But in the end. I remain silent. Dont know what to say...... Still considering what to do. Really confused......?????

I may really just die like that... What am i supposed to do now... What i havent done yet. The ans is : many things i havent accomplished. But i dont know how many i can do it. I am trying my best to stay strong. But the pain is so sickening. Making me go bonkers. I will try to stay relax and happy. Pls dont agitiate me. Thanks. If i offend anyone. SO sorry. Cos the pain sometime cause me to mood low. But normally if i mood low i will stay low profile.

All i wish to say is... i love everyone. And gary i still love you so much.....

I will stop here

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2007-08-07T12:07:00.000+08:00

Monday and today was on MC. Mc for 2 days. Doctor say i am having sore throat. And coughing. And i need to spray my inhaler for these 2 days. After listening to my breathing. I was like shocked to get 2 days mc. So rest at home today. Was kind of feeling tired. Having my period yesterday. Stomach cramp...... Finally found my true ghost stories 3. Yes......... Full collection liao. So happy.

But feeling kind of boring also. Dont know what to do..... Watch finish all my vcd liao. No show to watch liao. So boring..........

Will stop here

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2007-08-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday and today went for my driving practical lessons. Had to woke up early in the morning. So tired. Wen also. Overall still ok. But everytime after my lessons, my legs is so tired de. Haha... Tired now, but cant get to slp. Dont know why. Anyone wanna sing a lullaby for me. Keke...... Dont know what i am doing. Been in a daze lately. Office just sucks. aving so sickening supervisors. I dont like anyone of them at all. Both seems so fake. Villians people around trying to back stab us. We dont know who they were. All are suspects. That is life. People may just back stab u. That is just so common. What the .... So tired. Cant things be simple. All things are not fair. U can have 10 ups, but u will have 100 downs.... People dont like listening to yr downs. So i will just keep my mouth shut.

I dont wan to be fat. I dont wan to b fleshy. I wan to slim down. I hate the way i am now. What should i do. Really too tired to go for exercise. After work. My energy had been drained out. So tired.....

Lie on my husband leg. Feel very comfortable. Nearly fall aslp. haha.... Must go test on other legs also..... haha.......

Will stop here

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2007-07-26T18:42:00.000+08:00

Weather had been bad lately. Rain And Rain......... Wanna go swimming but got no choice. So cold... Feel tired these few days. head is spinning. Feel so giddy. Dont know why. But i dont have sugar low leh...... Stupid doc, nothign gd come out from his mouth de. What should i do. I hate going to see him. So tired. Not enough slp. Having panda eyes liao. having insomia........ Very tired but cant get to slp. Since from the doc there. Till now i cant get to slp liao. dont know y .......

Ahhhhh.......... i wan a hug.... i wan to feel the sweet....... i wan to be loved.... I wan to die liao la......

Nonsense Ended....

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2007-07-16T21:53:00.000+08:00

Feeling very terrible now. Feel like dying just now. Vomit and vomit. And had to lie at the toilet and rest for a while. My heart is like going to be tear apart. The pain is so unbearable. Really dont know i can still hold on for how long. Think if this symptoms goes on. I wont be around much longer. Wont be able to withstand for more than a mth. Going crazy soon. Took the pain killer med from the doctor. But it doesnt help at all. Idiot medicine. blood and blood flowing out. So scary. Still find it so irritating. Til now still cant get used to it. It is so sickening. I really wonder what i havent do. Which i can do now.

Anyone who i offended, or not happy with me. I am sorry. But i have got my retribution. And will be dying soon. So no worries.

2007-07-06T21:02:00.000+08:00

Today was so demorale. Cried at office. Was thinking of commit suicide. Had decide, till i saw 1 message. Which make me reconsider. I took bus to 1 under blk. And i ponder what to do. What should i do. I reach home. With nothing happened. I didnt do it. This message is what i wanted to hear. But till now i am still thinking. I havent really reached an answer. Really very tired. Cry and cry. I really feel so demorale. Never in my life so demorale before. Vomit blood. But i dont care. I dont wan to see doctor. I hate going.

I really dont know what i wan. having headache. And my heart is so pain. No one can help me. No one can. i am so tired. I know that i have to be strong. but if many things came crashing, and u called someone trying to tell. but in the end. no one wanna listen. What the hell is this. I had enough.

2007-07-03T22:59:00.000+08:00

Today went to work with swollen eyes. Told shan wat happen. And She console me, and make me feel better. but i know that i am still depressed. It is not easy to get myself up sp easily. I truly hope that no more bad things coming my way. I am really very tired le.....

Hope all end wells....

Will stop here

2007-07-02T20:44:00.000+08:00

I really don't knwo where to start from.... I just feel terrible. Many things is happening. Don't wan to say much.... Feeling very upset. Feel very down. Had been crying. And i told no one. Dont wish to say it. I lost my way le. I am very demorale. Think i am sinking to the bottom soon. Really very tired. Dont know what to do. I have no say. I have no control. I dont know what to do. Really wish to stop le. Wish to commit suicide. Really wish to. Going crazy soon. Dont know what i am doing everyday. I am totally very sian. I have been crying and crying.

No one knows, and no one wanna know. Say u will listen, but i dont feel this way. I think u wan me to listen. It is always like that. Say is easy, doing is hard. I dont wan to say anything about myself to anyone. I am forced to go back to my old self. I think this is better this way. At least i dont feel i am a idiot, saying and on one listen. And in the heart find me a nuisance. I am so stupid. So totally stupid. Nv clever before. And dumb to the ass.

What the fuck am i doing now, and still living. I should just end this, so that this world will be more better. At least i wont be so nuisance and idiot to.........

fuck up idiot life.

2007-06-26T16:58:00.000+08:00

Today is my on leave day. Meet up wen in the afternoon. Wen to bugis. !st proceed to guan yin temple to pray. SO long nv go liao. The weather was so warm. Then went to bugis junction to take neoprints. It was since when we last took neoprints. So funny the machine was so chim, we dont really know how to use. so anyhow choose lo. Then Took some funny pic. And was laughing.... Then next stop was to seoul garden. Never eat with her before. Eat and eat. Cook and cook. Ouch and ouch.....haha... cos the oill spatter out, and hurt our hand, and kanna her face.....Then was so damn full. Went to the toilet. And i shit out liao....haha..... Feel better man. But still full. Then smoking time le.....haha.... I keep on complain to her that i am so full..... We tok nonsense again.... Always de....haha..... Went for a walk walk. To digest. many pattern......haha....... Then decide to go tampines to play some games. we both complain that our hands were so tired. Suggest going to ktv. so we went to bedok ktv.... Nothing happen....keke.... Sang and sang. Something disgusting and funny thing happen. I ordered mee to eat. And wen ordered fishball.. I was so full need to go pee. And the toilet was so smelly. Dont know who shit inside, and the smell was so "powerful" till i cannot take it. And guess wat..... I vomit inside. All my mee is out..... So waste my money. I went back to the room. And told wen. And she was laughing like hell..... Non stop remix man....... hha. I laughed too..... oth cant concentrate singing. Keep on laughing..... Haha...... SO many thing happen today... We laughed till so tired...... After ktv, proceed to nearby blk to chat. Then chat half way..... the weather was like going to rain. And the wind is so big. MY SLIPPER FLY AWAY......... Fly till wen there. Luckily not far. If not i got to chase after it. And again we laughed like hell..... So funny. The rain was so big. Cant leave the blk. And although we were under blk. Still kanna rain. So in the end we had to stand up. And hide behind the pillar. Wait for taxi to come in to let wen home. Then i was drenched when i reached home. And my slipper slipped out when i was walking toward my blk with no shelter. and i had to go and wear back. Luckily no people saw it. Haha....

Now going to rest liao....

Enjoyed today outing with u wen wen.... haha... Hope u enjoy 2...

Ni Pen down

2007-06-18T05:47:00.000+08:00

Yesterday sat slack at home. Till Evening. Then meet up with wen. Wen to tampines to watch movies. Watched the ocean 13. Wow so handsome man. They are just so power. Then saw 1 westerner guy sitting behind the couple sit. Cos i was sitting at the last row. Haha. Then keep on looking at his directions. Wen ask me to join him. But i say i dont wan. I say lets join him together. She say dont wan....haha.... We were so crazy......The movies were ok. Then proceed to walk to underblock. Was like going to rain. Keep on see lightning. Then walk halfway heard thunder liao. We walk fast speed all the way. Till we reach the blk. And guess what...... After we reach the blk less than 5mins... it rain liao. "heng" ah........haha...........

So continue our chat. And many nonsense things. But nonsense chat start a bit later.... I wan to buy lemon barley, but dont hav. So no choice. Then Drink other lo. Then it take a longer time to tone down and tok nonsense. We were totally crazy girl. We both had cigarette, But we choose to share the same stick. haha...... Feel that is more better to smoke. Think is too crazy le... And she actually agree too, that it is nice to smoke this way......haha..... But we are straight. We are best friend........ Right my friend.

Friday accompany belinda to see laptop. Wen to cityhall to see. So proceed to suntec to see 1st. In the end she bought 1. Now then i know she like white 1. Haha...... But actually very hard to maintain. But actually not exp la. Okok........less than 2K. And the function inside is okok........ Think is becos of the promotion now. I got myself a 3in 1.....printer, scanner and copier. Less than $200.

belinda say i fat liao....ya lo.... having a diet now. Wanna go back to last time the size i was having before. Dont like now. Make me hate myself. And wanna cut myself. I dont like it. So having a diet. Wan to keep to 1 meal. Should be too long nv exercise le. Wanna go exercise. Anyone. can jio me for exercise.

White pig will stop here

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2007-06-15T15:35:00.000+08:00

Today on leave. Woke up early. Think got used to it liao. Then meet up with wen at bedok mrt. Then went to cityhall marina square to see movies, yang cheng lin 1. Not really so nice after all. The story plot was........... Saw some ang mo le.....haha.... The slack at marina for a while. Then proceed to tampines to slack ........ haha....... Just reach home not long. Think tom will be staying at home to clear my house. House cleaning le..........

Really dont know what to say.... Something is quite wrong...... I dont know how to say. I myself also dont know. Just feel that something is wrong. Dont know what i am thinking le......... All sort of things flashes through my mind....... I must think of something...... Cant go on like this le......... If not really will ruin my life... and everything..........

When working wan to take a break. Now on leave but nothing to do...... Also dont know what to do le...... Waste my time man....... What to do......

2007-06-11T06:36:00.000+08:00

After a tough working week. Thought that the weekend will be enjoyable. No . I had this thing like inscet bites, i got so mnay on my back. And i dont know why it wont recover . And by sat, it is spreading to my hand. Oh my god. And in the end, Wen help me to call his friend to see if there is any 24hr clinic at tampines. As we had just finish watching the pirates of the carribean. Then in the end there is. But the doctir very wu lu. Dont kow if he is up to it. Then had the medicine. And slack for a while at void deck. Then home i am back.

Today woke up, feeling better. The size of the bites is not so big le. And is starting to recover.... Luckily. Doctor say, may be dust or insect bites, or allergy. But dont look like allergy. I kanna alergy before. Is not like that de. I think is dust. A day before i sit on grandma sofa. Then morning my back like that liao. So may be this reason ba. Had cream to apply and medicine to eat. TO stop itch and vitamin c to help to recover faster. Making me drowsy. Now just work up not long. But still like stone stone. A bit blur blur le.

Will stop here

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2007-06-04T12:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday nv go see doctor. Too tired. Then afternoon, wen came to look for me. Actually is to book the lessons for driving. but then the thing is too complicated. We decide to go down personally to book. Will be better le. So in the end we watch vcd till 5++. Then headed to parkway to have our dinner. Had swensens. Haha.... Quite some time nv eat le. After that went for a walk. Shop shop a while. then yeah, Kbox here we come. Sang from 8pm till 12++. Laughed and laughed. Haha..... So many lame things. This girl keep on say lame things. So funny. Then after that, went to mac to slack. Wen friend came down. Chat for a while. then her friend left. Then we chat till 4++, then home sweet home. Haha..... Both laugh till so tired. Really so shack.... Haha.......

Today woke up at about5pm. Then slack for a while. Then hav my dinner. Then slack. Then pack my wardrobe. Very tired still. Dont know why. Must be slp too much le ba. But really very tired.

Boy called me yesterday, asked me where i am. Then tell me that he is at frank there and later going to par game. Dont know y he tell me this....... Then ask me why nv jio him go sing. I was so blur. but nv chat much. Then hang up liao...........

Wen : Great to have u as my gd friend. May we always be laughing like hell in every outing.....hahah

Will stop here

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2007-06-02T13:31:00.000+08:00

Today work was ok. But shan was feeling very tired. her mood was not gd. Think the system gave her pro, and he also gave him pro. Keep on call her to do things. Make her so frustrated. And last nite she slp late. SO not enough slp. Poor girl. Hope she will go and recharge. So so fierce today. so scary. So nv talk to her. Let her cool down. if not if i disturb her, wait she more frustrated. Wait she leave with her tweety. Or wait she kill my piglet. Haha..... Just joking.

Weather was not gd. Hot and cold. Sweat and freezing. oh my god. Dont know what to say liao.

Leg was so suan yesterday and today. Think old liao. Too long nv exercise. Then cannot take it. SO leg suan. So today got a bit of difficulty in walking. Haha....... Then stomach cramp..... ahhhh.... can say is whole body suan..... haha......

2007-05-31T18:52:00.000+08:00

Today work as usual. Ot till 7++. Then went home le. Simon went home at 5++. He say he not feeling well. .......... Then Went home to get changed. And went out with my friends. Go to east coast to roller blade. So long nv blade liao. Going fatter and fatter. So must really do some exercise. If not also not healthy liao. Had great fun. Then proceed to marina south to par game. Till3++. Didn't even realise the time. Then home. Had a great sweat. So long nv exercise le. Scared tomorrow will leg pain. Leg cramp.........

Really wish to go overseas.... Don't know have to wait till when then can go...... Wish to go pulau ubin. But think no one wanna go. No choice le ba.... Not much friends also. Wanna fix outing also very hard de. So dont think too much le. Don;t know if co will hire another people. If nv, think will cry le......... So hard to apply leave.

I am so upset. Y is this happening. Why do this. I am so disappointed.... Really nv expect this to happen de. I dont know how to react liao. Please dont give me stress anymore. My heart wont be able to take it. Please just leave me some peaceful life. I want peaceful life.

Still coughing. Dont know when will recover..... Faster recover...... Faster........

Will stop here

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2007-05-28T13:56:00.000+08:00

Sat morning went to see doctor. After that i went home. Pack my room. Throw a lot of things. Then slack for a while. Then meet up wen in the night. Went for movie. saw this show next. OVerall was still okok. Then same thing.... Wen to a nearby void deck to chat. Chat tll 4 ++am.

Sun woke up at 3pm. Then slack the whole day. Really feel so tired. Still coughing. So xin ku. Then yesterday feel like vomitting. But nothing come out. SO xin ku. Then today headache. Think must be the medicine that i am taking. The side effects ba. So many problems. Really making me so shack....... SLack a lot. Dont know how. Wanna go exercise, but think forget about it. Who will go with me..... Many are slackers. Or not in the same sports. So watever..................... Bought a new sport shoes. Going for morning exercise.

Likes my bed alot........ SO gd for slping....haha.... Likes my pillow so much. Likes my blanket so much........haha..........

ok finish my nonsense..

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2007-05-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

Today was normal working........ Talk some rubbish. Luckily was nv sent to the woodbridge...... haha.... I dont wan to go hougang chalet.......ahhhhhhhhh.........haha.......weather wa sso cold and hot. Was so warm in the morning, sweat alot. Then afternoon was raining......?????? then late afternoon was so warm again...... What is happening...... I wan watever.... give me watever........ WATEVER.....................haha.... Really hooked on to the commercial. It was so damn funny. I see liao keep on laugh and laugh..... Very funny. Was waiting for the drinks to be out. Still waiting............. Keke........... Although fever is down. But still having flu and cough. And sore throat~~~~~~~.. Aiyo must still wait for how long to recover.... I wan to go swimming ah........

Went out to dinner with matthew and shan. Was matthew treat. To thanks us for the hard work. And say that we work till face greenie.... so treat us eat. Went to sakae at parkway to eat. So full. Both shan and matthew had 7 plates. Haha....... I of course nv eat so many. They are gd eater.

Wan to go for a holiday man..... So many people go liao... but i still havent go before. My passport havent kai zhang yet. I wan to go ..... But no time and money. Aiyo..... Faint liao.........

I will stop here

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2007-05-17T03:30:00.000+08:00

Yesterday slp very late. But nv keep track what time slp le. Just can't get to slp. Think my insomia is coming back le. Aiyo....... Seh............ Miss u so much. Been thinking of u these few days. Don't know why. Think of the jokes u say, and the care and concern u gave me. I really miss u badly. What should i do. I dont dare to call u. I dont dare to sms u. I dont know what i should do. But just think and think. Really been quite blur these few days. Do silly things. Forget this, do wrong that.... Aiyo..... Also dont know why like that...... This coming sun will be celebrating mum brithdaay. Early celebrations. Got the presents ready. Went to buy with hua. haha... My lame sister, always make me laugh. But seldom see my 2 sis le. Will miss them de. Now go home also no one to chat with me. To hala with me le. So boring. House is so quiet. I cannot share my things with them.............

Take medicine every night, is killing me man. Dont know when then can settle everything. See medicine so scared. And got to endure and endure. Just like days in NPCC. Endure............ ahhhhhhhhh....... So long nv had tough training le. But miss those days man. Haha......

Need to rest man. I need long rest badly. Sat and sun is not enough. So shack. So tired. And worse insomia. Help me ah............ I dont wan to take slping pills. Not gd for health. Will get immune de. I dont wan to eat pills till the days i die. So damn sickening man.......

Fews days ago. Dig out all those letters that i kept. Read them 1 by 1. And those things that people gave me. And 1 newspaper article. I dedicate to my ex bf during valentine time. Some small message. But worse is i forgot who i dedicate to liao.... haha...... and many many things.........

Will stop here

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2007-05-07T15:18:00.000+08:00

Today weather was very sunny... so sunny de. oday the photocopy machine was spoil. Make spoil by a guy from store. haha...... So whole day cannot copy. Tom hopefully can copy le. If not very mafan. haha....... Had a bad dream lst weekend. Was so scary. Woke up late in the night. Told her wat i dream about. And she was there laughing. Haha..... Hope the dream wont come true. And i believe it wont come true de. Was Fighting with shan. Haha.... Aiyo.... I lose again. Haha..... Told her to wait for me 10 yrs. " nu zhi bao chou, shi nian bu wan" hahahahaha..... Pig rule.... hahah.... i know.. *pengz*... haha.........

Was having a spinning headache this afternoon. So terrible man. But i was not spinning la. Haha..... Only the head. Haha.... Aiyo... dont know wait for how long then it was gone. Felt better loh. Last sat was watching the spiderman 3. Overall was ok. Some parts was funny. haha..... The movie was quite long. About 2hrs++. Sit till my buttocks pain siah. rushing to the toilet..... Haha... Bet must be drinking of toooooo much water le. After that went to chat till 5++. Wanted to ask shan up to wee wee. Hahaha.... But she saw my no dont wan to pick up. So bad........

Doctor say i was so stubborn. Ask me to follow his instructions, but i didnt not really do that. if i really follow his instruction. Aiyo...... no life liao loh. But i did eat the medicine la. I guai guai eat loh. athough it is terrible. But i eat loh. He is so naggy de. More naggy than me. Oh.... so terrible de.

Think getting old liao. Want a more settled life. A more simple life. Not always play and play le. More stay at home. hahah.... lazy to go out la. So slack. Typical slacker liao........ Aiyo...... Dont know is gd or not.

Really miss u so much. Actually wanna call u, But in the end i choose not to. I dont wan to complicate things. I wan simple. Aiyo..... i am so sacred so complicated. So choose not to call loh. I dont know if i should call. And i think better dont disturb u also la.

Ok too naggy liao.... I will stop here

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2007-05-03T13:44:00.000+08:00

Today work was so slack. Not much to do man. Was totally considered slacking. I thought it will be very busy... but no. Use lunch time to study for my final theory test. Tonight 8pm will be going to take the test with wen...... Was a bit gan cheong. Really worried will fail. Cos during the trial test i go i nv pass at all. But end up..... YES.....!!!!!!!! i passed. I pass man... Haha.... Wen pass also. I finish 1st. Was waiting for her outside. And was waiting for her expressions. Then she came out smiling and nodding her head. Yes. We both pass our final test. Was so happy. We were like siao zha bo. haha....... But there is more to come......... The hard 1. The practical. haha..... Mama birthday is coming soon. Dont know what to get for her...hmmm... Havent call hua and hoon yet. ...........

Start to take the medicine liao. Took last night. Was totally terrible man. Going crazy le. Was so pain till i was rolling on the floor. I fall from my bed to the floor. And it was like my heart was burning in fire and my lungs seems to be tearing apart. I had to struggle myself to toilet as i felt like something seems to be coming out. I think it is blood. I vomitted so dirty blood. I dont remember i struggle till when, then i use my whole strength to roll myself to my bed. And i need to calm myself down and say it will be over soon. And dont know what time i finally fall aslp. Finally can get to rest. will take again later. Very scared. Hope the effect will end soon. Pls pray for me...... I dont wan to die yet man.

Peace within me

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2007-04-28T22:36:00.000+08:00

Now is sat 7am in the morning. Was supposed to wake up at 8. But i cant get to slp. So wake up and blog loh. haha........... Very tired leh. But think got used to it liao. Wake up early and slp early. This stupid routine life. aiyo............. *faint*........... Later still need to go back to office. Need to Do some Ot today. Till 2PM. Sian man, thought can rest on this sat. But no, still hav to work........ No choice loh. For the future mah......... Kanna delay again. Always like that de. Wanna meet then cancel again. So sian. Their life style seems like always same de. Isn't exercise gd. U dont even know the weather yet. Then cancel liao. Means, YOU are telling me that u actually dont wish to go de. It is becos that guy is going then we go. Now weather not gd, so we change to other outing. *Pui* sucks to the max man. Got sick and tired liao. I wont ask them liao. Even if they wanna confirm, I can confirm. But dont blame me if i put aeroplane.

having flu and coughing. But not serious. got headache but not fever. Still ok still. wish to rest..... A big rest. Labour day is coming, but too bad it falls on tues. Not monday. If not can hav long weekend le. haha............

Thur accompany hua go buy hoon present. Went to tampines to buy. This girl, she was late, so no choice, i had to ait for her. Then went to yoshinoya to eat my dinner. Then shop till 9.30. Till it close then we manage to get everything, Luckily ah................ Sit outside to hav a puff. Then was waiting for jass. But the moment she got here. She suan and suan me. Hua face was like not happy. She actually had the power to make hua angry. Then i was fed up by the way she was talking. So we left. and didnt say much. Hua say she cannot come up to our house. Haha..... so Means she cannot come up. She leave a very bad impressions for hua. And i think not only her. But almost everybody around me dont really like her. Think she really got attitude pro man.

I will stop here

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2007-04-23T22:39:00.001+08:00

Today is monday blues. I forgot to bring my jacket to work. Makes me feel so cold. Was freezing to death. Somemore afternoon, was raining heavily outside. which make the office even colder. Aiyo. Fainted...........Headache siah...... Luckily still can take it. But like going to become frozen pig liao. haha.......... Was not really so busy today la. monday was finally ver liao. haha...... yes!! waiting for friday to come man. Keke........

So long nv drink liao. really miss those drinking days. Those days where me and wen go for drinking...... Really wish to drink. Even a glass i also happy de. Know that i cant drink. But really feel like. Need to destress de mah...... But i really dont know la.... See how ba......

Lots of horror movies coming up soon....... last week sat when to watch movies with wen. The show start with T de. Was a very gross show. I nearly vomitted. But made a vomit sound out. Was so peisei, but really very gross...... luckily at that time i nv eat anything. if not really will have no appetite to eat anymore liao. haha......... Then chat till about 4am. Quite a long chat........ From 11++ we finish the show, walk to her house nearby... then the meeting start liao...... haha......... think will be having movies session for these weeks. keke.... many nice show man..... keke.......

Will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-04-20T03:07:00.000+08:00

Feeling very low. Don't know what is happening. I am going to burst soon. My head is load with too many things to think. Decision i have to make. Be it big or small. I dont kn ow what to do. Dont know who tell. As i hav to settle myself. Really very stress. What should i do. Going crazy..... Feeling very frustrated, feeling very vexed. Feel that i am alone living in this fucking world. Iam totally lost. with no directions for me to choose. Really wish to end it all. But that will be letting my parents and sisters down. I really dont know what i can do.

I really dont wish to see doctor, but i dont have a choice. I hate going. i hate to be living. I hate that all the choices is so hard to decide. I hate that i have to be suffering this illness. I hate that i am so weak. I hate myself to hell.

what the hell am i doing.... i dont know.... i have no ans myself.

2007-04-18T12:47:00.000+08:00

Today is very demorale. Really very tired liao. Yesterday after see doctor, always had negative ans. Always is not gd de. Very sian. Today work overall was ok. But received a call from Joe my manager. Wanted to see me. When to his office, then realised he got the wrong person. Was saying something about system thing. And wanted stella to monitor the system. So that was it. Planned to go east coast after work, to take a stroll. to enjoy the sea breeze. In the end it was raining. I dont want to go there on raining season. Cos there may be a possibilities of having frog there. So dismiss the idea. In the end i took 228. and drop down at the primary school there. Then took a walk home. To think about my things. To think of the decision thing.

Reach home, took a bath. Receive jinfeng call. ask me to send her some things using msn. So send loh. After that slack and day dream. i just can't dismiss the thought of suicide.... I know the consequences. But sometime even if u know that it is wrong, u still will do it. When a person has reach it maximum limits, will choose the other way. I dont know what to do. Trying to cool my self down, but i can't. i just feel so frustrated. So lost. Sometime even if u wish to live, but it is not in yr control. And sometime when it is time to leave, u can only sit there and wait for the time to reach. I really have a lot of regrets. And decision that i have regrets. But all i can say is, that is all too late. All too late.

Maybe i have no one who is experienced in these things to guide me, so i choose the wrong path, and i cant turn back anymore. Too late. Time will not turn back for me. But it will keep on going. I really dont wish to waste my time at home and doing nothing. But i cant help it. I am moodless, i don't wan to go outside and spoil people mood. And my body is nto as good as last time. I will just keep quiet and suffer myself. Since even if i were to say out, no one can understand the pain. So really no point. I dont need any pity, any sympathy. And no one likes to hear people grumble and grumble. I myself also dont like.

Life is unfair. And people are unfair. They do things unfair too. I dont believe in this word "fair". You may feel that u r being treated unfairly. But did u treat other people fairly?? i ask myself this question..... Do u hav an ans yrself. I can always feel the unfairness. No matter is in wat situation. Be it work, family, and other and other things......... I had enough of all this. If i really cant vent out, cant get to cool down. I am going crazy sooner or later. I dont know what i will do. What should i do.

Help me

2007-04-16T12:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday sat. Morning woke up at 7am. Then meet wen at 8am. Went for breakfast. Then go for our theory classes. Finish at 12++. Then toko bus to bedok, and slack till 2pm. Then she go off for classes. Went home to rest. then meet her up again at night. We went for movies. We watch the show the reaping. Thought it was a horror movies. But turn out it was a more like christian storybase 1. But overal was still ok la. Then went to slack and chat agian. Told her about jack thing. Then she was like not so happy. Keep on say that she will be alone and she will be very sad. I really dont know what to do. keep on haiz..... i am really at a loss. But i and him also is friends now. no progress at all. So i think she think to much le. And even if i hav bf i will also try to find time and meet up. And not dont care friends.

Today stayed at home and rest. Jinfeng came and visit me. Ask me to help her pull some songs into her mp3 player. And chat. Left about 8++.

Now slacking at home and watch tv.....haha

I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-04-13T15:47:00.000+08:00

Quite some time nv blog le. Last week nv go out. The gd friday thing. Sat not feeling well, so stay at home. Today was okok. But the weather was so cold. Rain and rain. Was quite tired lately. Nv really slp well. Dont know why morning always very tired. I think i dail a couple of call to other but i was sleeping and i think i nv lock my phone, then accident call out. Oops.... Haha.........

Contact back with jack. Was my colleagues at kimage salon. And chat through sms. Sent me his pic. He really change. Look more trendy le. Haha..... Got a shock by his sms. He still remember me, and he still hav my number........... haha..... and he say he still remember my face....... really ma?????

Having headache and headache, wan to cry liao. walalalalalala........ ahhhhhhhhhhh.......... Hmm..... so long nv go swimming le..... so long nv play badminton le. So long nv cycle le. i really slack le. Not so active like last time liao..... Dont like this. Yesterday wed 11 apr 07. After work, i walk home. When erach home, my whole face and body is all sweat... aiyo. i see the mirror, i also got a shock.... scary man... haha..........

memory really is bad. but still always trying to refreshing my memory.....please forgive me if i forget anything. and if can, can tell me and help me in the process of refreshing my memory. keke....

i will stop here

ni pen down

2007-04-06T13:51:00.000+08:00

Yes..... Tom no need to work. Is gd friday. So enjoy. Finally can rest. Take a break. Really need a rest. Had my hair dye. See so many white hair. I also wan to faint liao. Dye brown. Then trim my hair. That person cut my fringe till so short. Is above eye. Like kid like that. Make me so fed up. But no choice. Already cut liao. Hav to wait for it to long again loh.

Yesterday nite hav slp walking. Infact i was running. My mum saw it, and told me this morning. Maybe yesterday played too much. This girl keep on pull my ear. tickle my ear, till my ear is red. My ear is sensitive, so i dont let people touch. Haha........ Then played. Till night time like that liao. hahaha......... But today ok liao.

Need to see doctor soon, Going tom morning. So sian..... see him again. Realy dont wish to. But got a lot of things to ask him. and see what is his next " instructions" so no choice. Still hav to wake up early tom. so sad.......

Will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-03-31T12:40:00.000+08:00

Office these few days is so slack. Not much things to do. But although nothing much to do, but we still need to OT today. OT till 8pm........... So tired and so bored. Sit there waiting for everything to complete. Very sian, need to go back to office this sun. Got PI, So sickening. Sunday is my rest day. In the end have to go back. Somemore so early at 8am.

Very very tired. Had a bad dream yesterday. I dream of the person that killed me. Since young i always dream of a thing kill me. Pushed me down from a blk. And i died..... Yesterday i finally saw the face. The real face. That person i actually know de. So scary. Really dont know how to cope. Very scary.......... Makes me very blur and stone today. Keep on think.

Have been thinking of something these few days. But no outcome. Think i am dying. I think i really going to cannot take it soon. Keep on go see doctor also no use de. Having serious headache. I can endure all pain but not headache. I hate headache. Can say going to be migraine. It just make me so frustrated. I cant concentrate. It mkes me feel giddy. And my memory really sucks to the max. Dont like this. I may forget things fast, and sooner or later i will surely forgets everyone de.

Ni pen down

2007-03-25T13:41:00.000+08:00

Going crazy soon. Doctor are so useless. Makes me so sad, makes me so lost. What am i supposed to do. I am so frustrated. I feel that i am useless. I hate it. I dont like it. I dont like everyone. Everyone dont like me.

Nv go out today. Really to weak to go out. Took a rest at home today. Having headache, Been having headache everyday since i took the medicine. Really going crazy soon. Memory going down and down. Really so worried. Worried that 1 day, i dont even remember who i am. After some incident i really get to know that people is evil and really would only treat themselves gd, would lie to get what they wan. That is very scary. They say 1 thing and do 1 thing. Always dont mean what they promised. So unbelievable.

Life is so unpredictable, so scary. So fragile. Everything is rubbish.... all rubbish.....

Ni pen down

2007-03-22T13:10:00.000+08:00

Today felt very tired. In the morning after breakfast. Felt very tired. Going to doze off soon. Te medicine still left 1 pack. Means at least 2 weeks ba...... Dont know need to eat how long still.

Yesterday had a very weird dreams..... Dont know why will have this kind of dreams. Can say is a funny 1. haha....... Right my husband............ Feeling down now. Dont know why. Felt very moodless. Very sian. Must be that stupid medicine, make me sian, make me tired.

But still lucky. From 3 pills change to 1. The effects is too big liao. Luckily i go and check. If not wait till things go super wrong. It will be another different case liao............. so sickening. sososososososo sickening.

Miss u 2 always....

Ni pen down

2007-03-20T22:38:00.000+08:00

Today work was ok. Not so busy. Nv really do anything. Just purely key and key. Today all very tired. Stone and stone. Haha........ Medicine dont know why the medicine nv able to finish de. Still considering whether to lock my blog. Only those who has password can access. cos i dont wan anyone also can access. Really got someone really access. And told one of my friend. Then i got to know about it. SO very sickening... Keep on ask about my things.......

Been thinking of 2 persons. Dont know y....... They keep on come to my mind...........

Ni pen down

2007-03-17T10:00:00.000+08:00

Today at work was ok. Hala with shan at office. haha... Feel very tired at 11+++am. When reach 12pm. Finally went to take a small nap. Woke up and still feel tired. But not so tired. Then stone for a while, then continue to hala again. Today is friday night. But i feel so tired. Dont know what is happening. Have been feeling tired. SO easily tired. Like all my energy had been drained out liao. I have only me to myself. No one who can chat with. I have a feeling that people dont likes to talk with me. And maybe i am a nuisance to people ba. I don't need people to pity and i dont need people to fake with me.

If u dont like me, you can just say it right at my face. And everything will just end. No matter what kind of relationship we are.

Sinking deeper and deeper........... Really dont like the me now. And i wan to die.. So weird me.... i cant take it anymore. i will stop here

ni pen down

2007-03-14T03:14:00.000+08:00

Today had Macdonald for breakfast. Very filling. After eating the medicine, feel very stone. Like my mind went blank. Don't know what is happening. Just keep on key and key. Then keep no yawn and yawn. Aiyo....... The weather outside doesn't seems gd. Think going to rain soon. I think i am going to lose all my friends. I dont keep in contact liao. And drifting apart with everyone. Like to slack. More lazy and lazy.... Its been so long since i went swimming. Think going to plan 1 days go swimming. I like swimming so much. But think got 1 yr nv go liao.

Office very quiet today. All either busy or too tired. Now going to doze off soon.......

I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-03-12T03:10:00.000+08:00

Feel Very tired still. Don't know why. Shift my room again. Really feel that the previous arangement is not gd. Now shift liao. Feel better. Father also say this arrangement looks better. He help me to shift yesterday. Many people ask me y i nv go out yesterday. Cos i really dont feel like going out yesterday. Feel very sian and tired. Feel like resting at home.

Receive her message a few days ago. She told me that she miss me a lot and she regret that she didn't spend more time with me. And that she is not a gd friend. And she promised that this yr will be a gd yr for me. She will be a gd friend. And not neglect me and take me for granted. But in the end wat i see. things are still the same. I rather she don't say anything. That will be better. She always make me happy then pull me down again. And even deeper than before. I really dont know what to say about her. Why she wan to treat me this way. What is the term baobei. What does that means to her. She say it stand a place in her heart. I doubt it. Guys and friends are more important than me. I can see with my eyes. She can spend time going out with her friend and no matter how tired she is, she still can find time to meet her guys friend. but not me. And i feel ok. But she say that then do this. Is like she is playing with me. I hate that. She like to lie to me. I always feel that way. Always using me. She always got excuse that working is tired. Wat the fuck is that lousy reasons. She can go out, she can talk on the phone with her friends till 3 - 4 am. She told me this shit. What the hell man.

She really spoil my mood. But i am not going to care her anymore. Fuck care her what she say. Even if something is going to happen to her, i also wont help her. She got friends who will help her. She dont appreciate me, then i also wont care her. She will be out of my life. Even if she is call baobei, she will be the least important.

My family will comes first, then relatives. then friends, then her.

****** and me is really drifting apart. Dont know y. I feel that we got no things to talk. and she always like not happy de. I dont know is it that i make her unhappy. I am tired of guessing. I dont know what is happening. And she doesn't talk much. What she wan me to do. Y must i be the 1 to make decision whenever we go out. I dont like this way.

I believe difficult times will be over soon. Maybe this time i should calm myself and just be a gd girl and spend more time with my mummy. Haha....... Like to disturb her. And see she shy also. haha. Maybe this way she happy i also happy.

Nagging over here...... I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-03-09T13:36:00.000+08:00

Today was not so busy. Morning finally took the medicine. It was so terrible. After taking for a while. I feel my head is so heavy. feel like vomitting. I cannot concentrate. I feel so tired. But when i wan to slp. I cant get to slp at all. Feeling terrible. Dont know if that is so negative. If it doesn't suit my body. Really so tired. Hearing sentimental music all the day. Just wan to relax myself. And will feel better. Very shack. Thinking what i should do. So terrible. How to continue eating. And the medicine is so smelly. The smell is unbearable. Dont know how to carry on. But no choice. I still have to. I know that i cant break down like that. If not i will disappoint alot of people. i hav to stay strong. I dont wan to cry anymore. Enough is enough.

Receive a sms from baobei, Find it very weird. Dont know y she suddenly say like that. But nv ask much also.

I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-03-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

Today working was ok. Not so busy. Finally settled down liao. Yesterday was very busy. So shack. Today went to see doc. Told that i had to take pills everyday. I hate it. Totally hate. Somemore ask me to eat in the morning. Will make me sick man. Wan to faint liao. Must finish the pills. Then will see the reaction. Then will know whats the next step. aiyo..... Faint liao.....

Y like that......... Hope that these days will pass soon.

i will stop here

Tired Ni pen down

2007-03-05T06:57:00.000+08:00

Yesterday sat meet wen in the late evening. So cold yesterday. keep on raining. Got caught in the rain while walking to ktv there. Wen got drenched also. We wen to room 2 to sing. Something eerie happen. We hear a man voice at the room. It is not loud but we can hear. It seems to come from the speaker above us. So i decide to hear, to see if there is any weird sound. But i hear nothing. I only hear the music that we sang. Feel so scary. Wen and i look at each other. The sound look like indian music but not sure if it is. We can hear but it is not clear. There was once we hear a voice. A man singing the song. His voice is very deep. The sound is not all the way. Sometime we can hear, sometime we cannot hear anything. It was very irritating. In the end we faster sang finish then faster left the room. After that we discussed about it. I still feel eerie. And something happen. My hp suddenly change to camera mode. When i didnt do anything. We were still in the ktv room. I was so scared. Wen ask me to relax, said that she is there. I was like so stoned. After coming out, then i check if there was any photo taken. But lucky there was no pic taken.

After that , went to my house nearby to chat. keep on kanna disturb by the fly. Going crazy. I alerady kill 2 fly liao. And there is 1 "xiao chiang" keep on running about. But luckily nv climb up. We chat till 3++. off we go. Home sweet home.

Had a gd chat. Many lame things...... we really think too extrodinary...... haha..... anything also can think......

i will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-03-04T06:05:00.000+08:00

Yesterday fri, working was so busy. Don't hav much time to rest. Know that mon will be very busy also. So sun must rest more. If not mon will cry ah........ Fri went to collect the pic. wash pic to put in my wallet de. Very nice. My whole family pic. Today woke up very early. Just can't get to slp as downstair was so noisy. Do my house work. Throw away the things that i don't want. Trying to make my room more spacious. Till now...... Finally get to sit down and rest. Had a very gd bath. SO comfortable....... using computer......

Been thinking alot lately. Been feeling very tired mentally. But after sweating out today, feel better, and listening to smoothing music, really relax me. Just feel better, more stressless.....
although the problem is not solved. But i believe it will 1 day. I pray for a miracle. A very big miracle. I need lots of time. And if i make anyone frustrated or angry pls accept my apology and pls tolerate with me. i am trying to overcome this big obstacle. Hope that u all will bear with me and grow with me together.

Decided to take driving lessons. Money will be tight again. Have to plan my money wisely. Think will hav to spend less. Having a weird dreams last nite. hope that it won't come true. If not it will be scary. i am trying to figure out if u are sincere with me. I am not gd at judging people, that is why i always get cheated, get betrayed. i don't know if i can trust u. So i dont say much and i dint say my things or feelings out to u. But i think as time goes by, maybe i will start to trust u more. In fact i am very insecure with people, i tend to keep my things inside me. It feel more secure and won't hear people spreading my things out. Or watsoever........

I don't know if this is right, but i am trying to think of wat i should do now. And wat my future lies.... if i hav a future.

i will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-02-27T16:06:00.000+08:00

Today working is ok. But a bit stone. Cos a bit tired. Today shan like very high. keep on laugh today :) Work as per normal. Today bel sis ask me out. Actually she was me to accompany her go touch up her tattoo. But in the end things turn out complicated. So nv do. She will go and consult her sis 1st. Then went for our dinner then went to walk walk at orchard. Then went to cineleisure outside the place to slack. Have a drink and chat. Had a great chat with her. Get to know her more. We actually chat till 11++. I didnt even realise. Then we took cab home. Had a great outing with her. Ask her why she wan to take me as her god sis. At 1st she told me is becos i am cute. I wan to faint liao. Then she say no la, cos got chemistry, can click. She say it is hard to find a person who cna chat with. And she trust me 80%. She say quite a lot liao. SO glad to hear that. haha......... At least not becos of cute. She made a ring. With engrave wording. But i still didnt get to see it. She forget to bring it out. pengz..... maybe will meet her sometime to catch up and to take the ring. She have 1 and i have 1........

i will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-02-24T14:05:00.001+08:00

Fri working very sian. Actually nothing much to do also. Got people chu pattern. Make people sian, I see liao also sian. Every day also like that de. Feel very sleepy at work. Keep on wan to slp. Actually wan to use lunch time to slp, but cant get to slp. But play games instead. Then listen to music. Cos only i am at office, can blast music. Haha....... Nite time chat with kelly jie, use webcam to chat with her. She can see me. She keep on laugh, then i keep on do funny faces give her see. Haahaa......

Told her about my new ah jie. Haha......... Belinda is my new ah jie. Can feel that she is very fierce de. very strict de. Got very high expectation. kelly jie know liao also like huh, how come like that de. haha..... But also is out of concern for me. I know that de. Both jie is gd to me. I appreciate.

Seems to drift apart with someone. I also really don know what is happening. Always nearly like going to quarrel. I reall hate that. Wanting to find out the reason. But really dont know what is happening. Maybe is becos both is very sian. Boh not in gd mood. That is all that i can think of. It is just start of the chinese new yr and already not good terms with a friend. Reallly makes me so sian....... Really dont wan to lose this friend, but we seems to be drifting apart. More and more. Wat should i do. what can i do. I am lost. I am frustrated over this matter. With no ans, i can only put it aside.

Fri night, nicholas called. ask me if i wanna go out. So in the end, we went to east coast to blade. Quite some time nv go roller blade. He say wanna go exercise. So gd idea. Really sweat it out. Blade from jetty to mac. Use fast speed all the way. Really very sweaty. haha..... Very fun. Make me feel more relaxed. Then we sat at mac outdoor and chat for a while. To dry ourself. Since both of us is smoker so is ok. Then feel better and the sweat out.

if not i am going crazy soon. Problem starting to appear. Very sian. But i know that i will be fine de. opps.... starting to bla bla bla again. Me and my nonsense.

Me will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-02-21T05:58:00.000+08:00

Very long nv blog le. Very tired..... not enough slp. Eve of new yr, after dinner, meet up wen. Watch vcd near my blk. Watch till 2++am. Then chat till morning 6am++. 1st day of new yr, went to mother side relative, then eat and play cards. Lose $12/-. Then went over to father side relative. Then start to gamble then in the end. Total i lose up to almost going to $100/- So scary. 1st time lose till so much. cos shan and ting and boost my luck. fang always make me lose de. Haha..... just kidding over here...........

2nd day, wen say she coming over my house to bai nian. Then i go over her house. Evening time, went over to god sis belinda house to eat, play and stay overnight. Cos her family is overseas. So ask us to go over. Samantha also there with her son. her son is so naughty. haha..... Very active. Bel got dog at home. Very active. haha.... keep on follow me. Then at night slp. Keep on squeeze me here. Then i tell bel his dog keep on bully me, dont let me slp. haha.........

Home today in the afternoon. Morning woke up at bel house, then go for lunch, then home. She say call her god grandma too old. Ask me to call her sis. Hahahahaha. So change to sis liao.......

very tired. Going to take a nap liao......

2007-02-02T04:14:00.000+08:00

New year is coming soon. But there is still so many things not done yet. Haven't buy my new yr clothes. Haven't pack my room. Haven't go and buy new yr stuff. This year don't intend to go and dye my hair. Wallet is too tight. Think after new year, will have no money to spend liao. Think won't eat outside liao. Maybe go home then eat. Plan to go take car lessons after new year. Been delaying this thing for so long already. Must go liao.

Been quite tired lately. Many things to learn. but still ok. Still can take it. I don't like people to see me as useless, just a bit then cannot take it. I still can handle stress. I dont need people to take care of me. I am a grown up liao. I cna take care of myself. Cos i wont wan to burden people. Dont wan people to worry for me. I know that it will make them very tired also. They hav their things to worry.

Really very piss off when i hear something. It is like i am so childish and so incompetent. Totally piss off. She did help me to say something. But "she" keep on saying that i need to be taken care of. It is so irritating. She did say it right to my face before. I just kept quiet and say nothing. But i am burning inside and nearly going to explode liao.

Have to start to plan my financial issue liao. If not will be in debt soon. "dont wan to declare bankrupt" haha...... Just joking.

Hope this yr will be ok for me.

Ni pen down

2007-01-25T05:37:00.000+08:00

I hate myself. I really hate myself. Why do i always cause trouble to peole. Why am i so useless. Why am i still alive. Why don't god just end my life. So i will just save people from trouble. From Been worried for me. I really hate myself. I am not going to drink anymore. I will just work and go home. This way i dont create any idiot trouble to people. i curse myself. I hope that i will have bad luck and suffer in hell. I will die and nv reincarnate. I am a very idiotic person. How i wish i can just stab myself now. Why am i so stupid. Why am i always so fuck up.

my only wish is to DIE NOW. i dont wan to burden anyone. Dont wan to let people worry me. But i always let people worry about me. Pls god just let me die.

i wish to die, i wan to die. everyone just stay aways from me, i am just a very stupid an didiotic person. Who create problem for people. PLease leave as far away from me as possible.

2007-01-22T12:54:00.000+08:00

Sat went out with ting go shop for new yr clothes. Went to far east to eat our lunch. Then proceed to shopping. Outside start to rain heavily. Oh my god. Really spoil my mood. Nv really get much thing. Maybe this coming weekend then go shop again. went home to rest. Then jio wen out for a movies. Also to chat with her. Then watch a very stupid lame show. called the illusionist. Really not worth my money. So diao man. Then walk to buy drinks and find a place to chat. On the way there, got scared by a uncle. Suddenly came out of nowhere and his hand is holding a bowl of water. really very errie man. Then saw a very cheeky uncle. Keep on cycle and keep on look at us. Then cycle 1 round. After that saw a guy standing at 1 corner to refill his cigarette. Really scared me..... So many things happen at 1 shot. So scared. Then sat at a blk nearby. Saw a window there like got 1 person keep on staring at us. But look like sonething but cannot confirm. I told wen that it is very eerie. Then she say is towel hanging there. But look like a person standing there. But i feel very scared. But feel curious. In the end i decided to go and check it out. I walk very slowly and see if wen is looking at me. And in the end is really a towel. So stupid of me..... Got scared by a towel.... haha........ Wen already want to peng liao. Haha

I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-01-18T10:39:00.000+08:00

Today was very shack during work. Cos morning work up with a bad sore throat. Today office was quite quiet. Very free today. Not busy at all........ Too free le. Became slacking. Afternoon during lunch tim slp for a while. then i knock my head on the desk and woke up. It was so pain. There the 2 ladies was there laughing. So seh. Then continie to slp again. haha... My colleague sang lullaby to me. haha.... Guess wat song was that. it was twinkle twinkle little star. Haha..... Today weather was considered ok. no rain. Till now. 6.30pm. suddenly rain le.... Luckily i am home le. Hahahahahahaha............

I dont't wan to close my eyes, I don't wannna fall asleep. Cos i scared to die. And i don't wan to miss anything......I will miss, i will cry, i wll leave with despair.

I will stop here

Ni pen down

2007-01-15T06:50:00.000+08:00

It has been raining and raining. My window hasn't open for quite some time already. Haha....... Fri went out with friend. Overall is okok. Sat, the same. Go out with wen. Went to ktv at bedok. After that went to my house nearby. Cos it seems like going to rain soon. Felt very sian. Nothing to chat about. I am lost for words. I also don't know what to talk about. Sometime people will feel dont know what to say. Cos i am the one to "entertain" her always. I will also fell tired. Pls if u realy cherish this friendship, sometime u should make the initiate to think of something to talk about. when i am quiet u also quiet. And u expect me to entertain u..???????. Things should be fair. When it is quiet u just say " TALK LEH". what is that. PLs put yrself in my shoes sometime. i always think for u 1st. Can u think for me sometime also. Doesn't mean to scold u or wat. Just wanna let u know how i feel. I cherish this friendship. I don't wan to end up quarrel outside. Hope u understand.

I truly put him down le. I took out his pic from my wallet. I got nothing to talk to him. I really feel that he is childish. And think he is so handsome that everyone wants him.

But at least i am finally free from him. I let him out from my heart. Feeling very light now. I can finally have my new life. Starting from now. From 2007.

May everybody dream come true

Ni pen down

2007-01-06T08:58:00.000+08:00

Today weather quite good. NO rain. Yes. I loves this kind of weather. So long long nv go swimming le. Feel like going to swimming. Getting lazy and lazy. Going to become a typical slacker le...... Ahhhhhhhhh........... i don't wan to be a slacker........ Today at office crazy. Cannot calm down. Keep on talk nonsense. HAha.............. Considered quite free today. This week only work 4 three days only. Yes..........

I finally took out his pic from my wallet. I did it. I know that we won't be together. And i also don't know whether he can be trusted. He seems like a very mysteries person. Wuuuuuuuu.

Grandfather is out of hospital for quite a few days liao. Nv go and visit him yet. Will find one of these days go visit him. Going for a drink tom. Yes........... Finally man. Go support my friend. She is working there as a waitress. Go and enjoy myself and relax. Hope that i won't get drunk. Haha...... Try to drink as less as possible. keke

Feel like going overseas. Go for a holiday. But really very tight cash. Alot of things need to be spend on. I also need to take my driving licence. Wanna take that for very long liao. Will take that when i get my this month pay. Haha........ No more delay........

Went to buy nail polish. But don't really know how to use. Cos i don't really put that on my nails. Cos find life too boring, so find something to do. Can be very difficult, as my hands is always very shaky. So do very long then can. But also don't look nice leh......... I only buy 2 colours. haha. Pink and blue. Will buy more colours on the way.......

Really getting fatter and fatter. Must watch my diet and go for lots and lots of exercises.

Will pen down now

Ni pen down

2007-01-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

Power yesterday. Didn't went out the whole day. Been slacking at home. Although it was new year eve but really not feeling well. And really no mood to go out. Today is another holiday, but also nv go out. Very sian. really felt quite sickly. feel very demorale. Always spoil my mood. Very boring. Having cough and vomit and vomit. Really had enough. Wondering when it will end. Going bonkers soon.

DOing nothing but watching vcd since yesterday. I really miss u so much. Really hope that i can get to see u. Get to hug u. Can I.............. Been having this shitty dream yesterday. Want to wake up, but no matter how i tried, also can't wake up. It seems so real. But i am really getting worried. Then my hp rang and woke me up. Luckily. It is a very scary feeling. I really thought i may nv wake up again. Trap in the dream forever. It is a very scary matter.

Feeling so stone now. Took my bath and just can't concentrate. I am starting to talk less. Really don't know what to say. Don't know how to communicate with people. I dont wish to be the 1 to always entertain people. I dont need attention. I will just quietly do my things and live in the world of my own. So that i won't piss anyone and anyone wont piss me off. Just a simple life.

Really totally hate fake people. They say 1 things and do another things. Y do i hav this kind of friend. Totally idiotic. Although i am slow, But pls dont lie. I rather take the cruel truth. I can accept it. i totally hate liars.

sorry for this idiot entry.